beautiful tomorrow

2009-01-27T14:34:00.000+08:00

ive moved to http://epiphanized.wordpress.com/

see you there.

2008-08-12T23:43:00.003+08:00

so i promised to update about my cousin's wedding. hahah.

thats my second brother! who is currently in korea for exchange programme! hehe.

this is my eldest brother!

big big eyes of his.

my cousin and his husband

wedding was pretty okay. haha. albeit the fact that my back was facing the stage which was pretty irritating. and albeit the fact that my brother says i look like one of the girl photographers cos we got emo hair. okay whatever can~ - flicks hands. HAHAHA.

some random photos. :)))

meet up with wyns before she flew to aussssssie!

random cg photo.

singhun and me :)

part of cg!

shanghai tang

2008-08-11T23:31:00.012+08:00

yes yes omg i know its been ages since i updated my blog! and now that school has started and i so think i need to update my blog a lil. this is a long overdue update about my shanghai trip! so i went shanghai in july~, with michelle, jasimah and eve! :D

it was much much much better than expected! lots of mai dong xi chi dong xi! haha! well my mom says i go to shanghai to eat, drink, play and spend money only. haha. well she is right. HALF right. cos i bought alot of stuff back! the clothes and accesories there are really great deals, the wallets and bags too!

actually now that i think back again, maybe i really do wanna go back again! 12 days of slacking in another foreign land. it was awesome la.

so this is the 3406 TIDM clique who kinda sent us off and at the same time we celebrated peiqi and jielin's bday! from left: me,eve,jas,ash,mich,mimi,ashikin,jielin,peiqi. :D

this is us going to enter in soon. special thanks to the babes who waited with us!!

so this is the four musketeeeerss~

we were on the plane!

so this is me and mich one the plane. btw, there was two china man next to us who kept staring at us the whole trip. we concluded they are du guis. which means gambling ghosts. cos we were playing cards and they were super interested in our card games.

this is my airplane food. curry beef i think. :) nice!

so we are at shanghaiii! this is the cab which is really more like a van that ferried us to the apartment!

okay lots of pictures of first day cos we were all excited. here we are at people's square. people's square in shanghai is like orchard in singapore. it has lots of shopping place and there is even raffles place! which i believe is the franchise of the same raffles place in singapore. so anyyway we are at this underground vintage hongkong street place.

and mich and i are fascinated by the beautiful hats!

then we settled down at a cafe. oh yes, you know even in airconditioned place like a cafe, there are ppl who smoke too? ughhh. but true.

the drinks are served so cutely.

we just couldnt resist the flowers. too pretty!

okay now we are near people's square at The Bund. see the picturesque background? its really nice at night!

and i love this picture. i can almost print out and use as postcard alr. haha!

so subsequently i dint take much photos. but some random photos here and there but this is in chronological order yeah!

eve and me! we were on the mrt.

mich looks like she was just scolded by jas. but in actual fact it was just a random shot i took . HAHA.

okay this is the Xin Tian Di. its like clarkequay come paragon in singapore. lots of pubs, high high end stuffs. but the place is nice and we heard that lots of artists hang out there. so here are some photos.

we just love the background.

okay here we are at wujiang lu! its a stretch of road where you can buy cheap and absolutely awesome food!!!! the place looks really nice! but its pretty dirty and crowded!

okay then this is qi bao. where we bought these stars thingy. its suppose to grow and give birth to more lil stars. apparently its with eve. i wonder how it really is now. HAHAAHA.

maybe we were scammed. but mich looks happy ! hahaahh.

oh! and they sell cute bunnies and hamsters and stuff. all very adorable. sold at the road side. so poor thing.

okay this is us at er... i think we were kinda lost. hahah!

i forgot why we took this but we were at the mrt station :D

okok this is me and jas and we were gonna watch the SHANGHAI circus!! its just super awesome.

this are the motorcyclists who rode in this caged ball. i cant explain to you how amazing that was. highly risky. all of these cyclist i think all together was 8 or sth were ride round and round in a ball without banging into each other!

okay this must be my fav food there. its some spicy fish thingy. ITS SOOO NICE!!! yumms

okayokay and this is our long awaited XIAO LONG BAOS! erm it was our last day and i cant remember where we were at!

and then with me around, dont forget that i was capture the cute babies!! super cute!

that flying kiss was for ME. yes im sure. for me! me me me!

yup this was the place i was at. and i cant remember the name!

okay then we all flew back to singapore. we missed singapore but i think im gonna miss shanghai more! hahaha.

there should be a whole lot more photos. but you know uploading takes forever! so this is just the essence of the trip. haha. im kinda sad i din take photos in qi pu lu. if you have just seen the amount of shops and cheap clothings there! wow its even better than bangkok's platinum, haha. oh wells. thats all for today folks. :D

next up im gonna post photos of my cousin's wedding that happened in july too. sorry for being so laggy! :D

2008-06-18T00:42:00.004+08:00

some charity show. with melissa!!

out with prissy

meet up with jianrong

eve!

us at the pub!

the real results of an event, is the aftermath.

sichuan earthquakes, myanmmar cyclone. the earth shattering event's greatest fatality is the aftermath. Death tolls accumulated, tens of thousands of people dying in rubbles of ash and concrete, millions left homeless, thousands left orphaned, hundreds were left with no more family. The real consequence is the aftermath. The accurate impact left by the disaster is indirectly manmade; because of what man built. what we toil for, eventually took a toil on us.

church camp. the real success of the camp, is not really the mega events, the games, the food, teachings.. its the aftermath. if even after camp, people are convicted and really make hard decisions in their lives. if lives are continually being moulded and changed even after camp; the success is shown in the people's on going transformation. not a once off event, or a once off response but a true llife changing experience that stays with us. what we respond about , eventually becomes our response.

neither tools nor fools

but be cool and not drool

neither toys nor boys

but with joy and not coy

to me, writing this has alot of meaning. its okay if im incoherent to you. haha.

im at a loss. is my path left or right? should i put this at neutral gear. or make a decision? go for it with 1st 2nd or 3rd gear? or should i choose to reverse from this?

2008-05-06T02:15:00.011+08:00

did this catch me unaware? did i anticipate this? did i see this coming? if i said no, it means that i would have contradicted in my answers for these questions. perhaps im aware of the situation but i din anticipate it and i definitely am upset and disappointed.

you said you would try,
when you felt dry.
to understand you, i tried to pry
but after realising this, i couldnt help but cry

was it my incompetence
or was it my ignorance
disappointment, hurt -now incandescence
things i wanna say in jumbled sentence

by god's given grace
i know he'll wipe away the tears on our face
now i want to help and offer solace
so i pray that nothing has taken over my place

care, concern and love
in me, god has wove.

i just want to be there to support you. and not bid you adieu. i pray hard and ask god for his hand and providence in your life and that things can be worked out. really really.
i cant say that im a know-it-all and neither do i know whats my next step to take. i only hope that i can do something. anything............

there is no kiss goodbye to this.

long ago update.

mich bday

hopetots

zhiyan's bday

random photos...

2008-04-27T14:44:00.011+08:00

hello all! time to update about the thai trip! PICTURES!

budget terminal with part of the girls. ( check out jontay behind)

stay tuned for more!

me and huiqi on the plane! both my flights i got the window seat! haha! and both the flights huiqi had the privilege of sitting with me~~~!!

look at the size of it! :) the centre.

left portion

right portion!

some funny grammer error i found in the canteen. imagine you keep cleaning... clean as you drink and lim teh, clean as you eat your char siew rice... clean as you queue for food. hahahah.

ens me and limin! at the delegates briefing!

me and huiqi in our room!

second day (sun) with our "formal" wear.

i look lost and forlorn. waiting for hsiaoen as she go toilet. she takes AGES! hahaha. and i still have to carry her stuff! lol

behind the bus. funny faces! hahaha. :) :D :p

omg! guess who's double chins!!!

going crazy at the hotel!

fast forward to the last second day... haahaha. the previous days i never really take photos. sorry! left to right. yihui limin zhiwei hsiaoen huiqi. we are suppose to wear green for the international delegates attire for sports day after that!

after sports day. in which i played in the 3 legged race!! it was raining and there was like sand hails or something. look how sehhhhhh i was.

check out mr tay's expression in the following photos.

me and shanrui from tertiary! :) and thats kaixiang behind. lol.

our very own lim peh - mr jon tay!

me huiqi and junliang. we got cheated by our cabbie!!! haha. look how misfortune brought us together.

us with the african pastors! prayed for us to multiply!!

more photos!

us with yvonne!

yihui and i!!! after bathing...

limin!

huiqi our farting queen.

JCNEA!

ens looks so young here.

ens with mr honk. we're going to platinun to shop!! see how elated we are!

me and QJ!

as if thai not enough trans..... these two girls are jealous.

on our way to airport...

Weekeong!! hahaha ... mr baldy out of NS!!!

baldy and liting!

hahhahaha okay. those were the pictures.

so of course i learnt alot of things in the thai church camp which they emphasized on Loyalty. its enlightening that there is so many angles and dimensions to see loyalty. but yet they are simple truths that we often overlook! i am very inspired by the spirit of the people there and how thick the atmosphere of god is! i actually witness for myself the blind being healed, deaf being able to hear... the half paralysed being able to walk. right before my eyes! how can i deny that god isnt real! haha. its amazing alrights! i would encourage everyone to go! its worth the money; and afterall thailand is a great place to enjoy yourself too!

also, i wanna be loyal to my leaders. start praying for them! i realised how little i actually pray for my leaders too! their dai ji gotta start being my dai ji too! hahaha...

let me make a comparison of the thai people. they are like Tom Yam.

sweet and spicy.

sweet in their mannerism and how they are hospitable and welcoming.

spicy in their straightforward teachings and sharpness in correction and challenging.

singapore. like char kuay teow when they teach, rebuke and correct.

some people make it too sweet..

some people make it more salty ( especially those with experience. eat salt more than rice)

some people make it too black cos their is too much black sauce ( scold with black .. chao bin face)

some people make it too pale ( too afraid to correct or rebuke )

some people put fresh oysters in it ( adds freshness and new angles in their teachings)

some people's tao gay and oyster use are from overnight ( they use their left over spiritual tanks and theirs no new growth in their perspective)

some people fry it till its burnt ( they drive the recipient into the corner and leave them no space to think or change)

nonetheless , our char kuay teows are still precious to us. before they are fried ( convert) we get to know their freshness beforehand ( SOW), then season them well ( sharing and teaching), give them the right ingredients ( pruning and growing), and then simmer them (disciple and rise them up through testings) and last of all lay it out on a nice plate (for god to examine their lives) for others to see and eat for themselves. do you wanna taste this char kuay teow? haha. i did, and i love it. :)

hmmms, i wonder if any of the charkuay teow applies to you. in summary, i think we need balance in our lives. but that doesnt mean we compromise on the WOG cos ultimately we cant bring god's standard down. but we have to continually try to meet it. so lets press on brothers and sisters!

on hindsight, let me post what i wrote for weekeong in his farewell card. cos i think its funny!

Together we braved our fears
And seen each other tears
Although you are 很 near
But your jokes AJCG can no longer hear
NS is not as easy as cutting pear
But I know you are well equipped with gear
To fight out you sergeant-like-bear
So I pray that your energy won’t wear
Cos Hanniel, to us you’re really dear!
Thus, don’t mix your king with king lear
Cos Jesus is your God and peer
His strength is not mere
Cos He hears, He is near,
He helps us with our fears
and wipes away our tears
cos to Him you too are dear

eh if all university admissions fail, i shall resort to writing hallmark cards kay!! haha.
alrights nightssss. :)

2008-04-09T00:54:00.002+08:00

so today we had a surprise farewell last supper for weekeong before he enlists... but it failed!!! haha i subtly told him to stay home so that the j3s can go visit him at his home.. but maybe i was too subtle.. he went out!!! rah. okay.. so anyway there should be more pictures of his farewell with the cg... will post it when i get them

yup.. we went sentosa on sunday... it was fun la. played volleyball.. buried weekeong in the sand and gave him G cups.. erhmmm.. his favourite la.. the guys tried to taopok one another. but jonquek was easily countered by gavin who could lift him effortlessly...liting was our faithful camera girl... singhun our consistent pokemon.... pohchoon our responsible serving brother.... jonquek was running around, full of energy... me? i enjoyed just observing my cg family... bunch of supportive, loving people.

and im honestly glad to see everyone of them grew in the first quarter of 08. we have about 5 J1s now... so close to our goal of 7 J1s by end april. so our direction for april and may is retention, star bursting and discipleship! im filled with anticipation to see how high aj can grow, by ourselves and of course god's hand in this ministry! seeing my coreteam being able to shepherd ppl from other schools is amazing... we've come a long way since last year june... in less than one year we see at least 3 tiers of legacy and we are not just sustaining, we are growing in quality and quantity! transfers or no transfers, we are thriving in aj grounds. this could really be our rainbow after the storm! so together we'll keep moving on forward. :)

haha... tomorrow im taking basic theory test... bleh.. got a bad feeling about it.. haha. and i know this is random, but i miss SASSSSY!!! its been two years since i last saw her, touched her, patted her! and two years since she pounced on me or licked me! sasssyyy......

yes an update

2008-04-06T00:46:00.003+08:00

hello everyone!!! havent been updating eh; okay, A level results came out and yeaps i din do well; but im over it so should everyone else okay! for those who did well congrats!! :) but for those who din; persevere cos you never know when the rainbow after the storm will appear. :)

so in case you din know; ive been working at my mom's company. its kinda boring cos my mom's always too busy for me but its so far alright... just that my every action and who i go out with and where i go to is being monitored by my mom. it means less freedom and alot more naggings... and minimal job satisfaction..... the pay is not too bad , but i dont like the idea of getting pay from your own parents... haha... its like allowance? blehhhh, i want financial freedom; therefore im gonna embark on searching for my new job!!! haha.. er.. wellllllllll, some time soooooooon.

update on ministry! we just sent away our j3s... jaclyn jolene angela yihan weekeong nathan jason.... im gonna miss them!!! and somethings hsiaoen told me was really true... when i mass send cg msg and i scroll down the contact list i will instinctively look for my j3 ppl's name... and i will suddenly dawn on me that they are no longer around... and it makes me miss them even more :( yup... esp the coreteam... miss having their presence, laughters, jokes, support... they've been a big part of the ajcg, and now that they are officially going over to tertiary group or NS group, i'll wish you all the best! really the best time of your life, and grow your ministry well k! let ajcg be a great foundation for you as you move on to greater heights! love <3

hahaha and we just celebrated gavin's bday last sat... so here are some pictures :)
HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY GAVIN!

bday boy

part of cg

btw these are weekeong's boobs.

and finally, our artwork!!! awesome right!! hahaha!

sidenote:

i find it harder and harder to communicate with you. and only after so long then i realise why im feeling this way. perhaps its the way that it is now cos of various circumstances that we cant change. but why do i feel that i can no longer share like i did in the past? its taking a toil on this relationship;even though i tried to make effort, the response is ugh.... and now im just tired of trying... afraid that it may make a down turn instead of becoming better and closer. maybe that is the real reason why im feeling this disappointment now. there is still immeasurable respect and appreciation on my side; but no longer, no more longer can i bear those reactions and response, and im gonna make the decision to move on from the efforts that were spurned and irreciprocated. these words seems harsh, but at least it helps me to look forward to other relationship investments, and hopefully they will be more consistent in my life.... you've been a significant part of my life; and im still clinging on to that fact. however, since time has moved on, so shall i move on from the past. heres wishing you all the best.

2008-03-06T00:17:00.011+08:00

been soooo long since i last updated my blog.. so here are the photos of feb! :) not gonna elaborate too much. just enjoy!

4th march : day of slacking with prissy... i even cooked alrights! hahaha!

2nd march: bap 08!!! we now have arielle danielle daniela caleb nathan hanniel ephraim joab!

1st march : this is the cg outing to esplanade. haha.

im always ready to pose.

liting!

singhun and liting
therefore conclude that my cg loves me. cos L is for lovely!

feb: this was one of the bday celebrations lol. the cl team. thanksss dearies :D

ens and huiqi

huiqi and yihui

the team

spastic unglam jon!

ensss

haha

CNY day 2 ... when tidm went to ash house. haha.

CNY day 2 at my hse .. then singing at jooseng! lol .

CNY day 1... my really cute nephew

and meet up with zixin on cny :)

hahah pictures of cny steam boat. sorry for inverted pictures.. too lazy to rotate.. LOL!!! suspenders with ens!

yay... long awaited meeting with geoky. caught up lots and enjoyed taking lots of spastic photos! lol

random photo with prissy when we went cny shopping!

2008-02-03T03:10:00.001+08:00

in addition;

when you miss bus stops in the journey you forfeit the chance that new passengers can get onboard and reach their destination. you do not maximise your full capacity and potential to take in much much more. your fuel used is still the same, but you use part of your fuel for something else. and if you run on diesel, then the pollutants from the smoke will scar the environment. and leave the wrong footprints for other buses to model and follow after. even when it rains and you feel that you are trapped in the situation of a jam or slippery roads, doesnt mean you forget your wipers and make sure your vision is clear and it isnt clouded by the raindrops.

its okay if noone understands. what matters is that i do.
placing god above all else.

2008-02-02T01:37:00.000+08:00

long bus rides. slow, relaxing long journeys to my final destination.
you cant go too fast cos you may miss a few stops and not do it the right way in the correct pacing. (rushing into things without thought )
you cant swerve too far to the left or right, cos the passengers around you will feel the impact and may lose their balance. ( personal actions and deviations have impacts in group and people)
the best way is to go slow and steady, following the straight road, not missing any bus stops in between your starting point and your destination. (walking right with god and progressing steadily)
if its peak period and the bus and road is in high demand, then keep to your bus lanes. (keeping to your stands and values in god. )

thats the thing about long bus rides. it makes you think.

maybe i need to know what i want. hmmmms....

2008-01-27T23:50:00.000+08:00

kkkkk pictures. :D

during mommy's bday

thats my dad haha.

seems like im the only one posing

jap foooooood! yummy.

pufferfish.

mommy with the bag my brothers and i bought for her :) its a nice bag.

family photo :)

AMAZING RACEEEEE!

MIMI!!!

me and hsiaoen today at our one day job. we were the judges for the childrens drawing competition. ahahah. i love the backdrop. looks so fake but its all real!

and some random outing hahaha . cloverfield which i find it quite sad, sadistic but still nice. hahaha. but think ppl got motion sickness. lol.

yay. thats all folks :)

2008-01-14T22:13:00.000+08:00

me and ernies spent a sunday tgt. lol.

early in the morning we went to hope tots! :DDD

left to right, top to bottom, starting from the top left:

1. joseph looking blur

2. joseph and i! my fav picture... he is so cuteeee :))

3. jonjon showing off his artwork

4. sweet sweet emily

5. micaiah and erns

6. thaddeus very happy about taking a photo!

7. sheldon making a surprise attack on me. maybe its a kiss. HAHA

8. sheldon and i

9. my favouritest Xavierrr!!! :D

and some random pictures with erns after we dyed out hair. hhahaha.

tiring weeks .... everyone lets press on! :)

2008-01-05T23:51:00.001+08:00

joke of the day: debbie's forfeit! hurhurhur.

the girlies

icecream!!

debs and zhiyan ahhhahaah

welcome to ben and jerry. haha us imitating jonquek usual smile.

greedy face, esp me. the ice cream look so delectable!

heheheh! getting ready to feast!

one really satisfied customer

and there i go again, looking dumb...

maybe im too tasty liting wanna bite me.

seems like we are enjoying our forfeit!! haha we are suppose to point to the top few levels for 3 mins and look like idiots lol

look at jonquek HAHA

zhiyans

debs

yj belovedddddd :) siti, me and des. hhahaha we watched i am legend tgt.. that aminah was really scared man! hahahah! actually me also la.

here we are chilling at starbucks and sharing lives. altho its more like im interrogating them! HAHA

hopefully our next meetup wont be too long. but des would be botak by then, aminah the babe at keppel , and i'll be the sai kang worker in french restaurant.

2008-01-04T03:02:00.000+08:00

i forgot to add the fact that im so devastasted by the cost of adult fare now! its really expensive. even cabbing is expensive! so today i had a mini strike against sbs la... hahah. i took train from workplace to srgn mrt... and walk walk walk walk walk walk all the way home...

when i went home my mom ask me why i reach home so late.. then i told her i walked home. then she kept laughing at my mini strike. its a personal fight for my own rights. HAHA just that noone actually knew about it. lol... its a good walk la... cleared my thoughts and keeps me healthy? hehe. but anw after my mom knows i eager to save money ever since i entered the working force... she is willing to sponsor more stuff... HAHHAHAHA.. maybe such strikes and long walks are useful in softening your parents hearts. LOL!

note to self: i wanna learn how to drive a car now now now!!.... ahahhaaha.... then can drive the tan family children's car. hahaha. petrol fees provided by parents. HAHA!

note to parents: buy another car!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how to fight with my brothers over the car! if no car, i dont mind a cute scooter.... hahahahah.

note to brothers (who wont see this ) : for now, be a kind soul and fetch me please?

note to sbs, tibs, taxis and buses and mrt rides: adult fares are too horrendous!!! -dies.

note to my new angmoh handsome young french boss: me and yinzzz adore you la! you're the best! : D

2008-01-04T00:49:00.000+08:00

HAHA! its already 2008!!!! man, im late by a few days to blog about year end stuff.. hahhahaha... so let me upload some pictures k...

sentosa christmas party

on our way in the tram... hhahaha.. its so cool! me and debs.

31 dec!

me and katttttttt :)

kangseng!

yihui!

weekeong

gavin!

pohchoon!

yinzzzzzzz

jonquek! hahhaha

me yinz zhiyan

zhiyan! and pohchoon behind

liting:D

lots of expectations for the new year... and my resolutions are pretty idealistic.. but i will try my best yea!! :D
happy new year babes!

2007-12-30T01:22:00.001+08:00

mmmmmmmm, feels like i have alot to blog about tonight ... cos i cant sleep!!! ahhh, i think im turning nocturnal for permanent! :( no good.

haha, christmas was awesome, though i got a little discouraged but guess we gotta fighhht on! there was 2 mcgs that we held and i thoroughly enjoyed myself :) there were visitors too! esp for the christmas party! haha then christmas service made me realise that everyone is growing in this KOG! i think pastor jasmine poom summed it really well in her sermon today.... the "before" and the "after" us... mmm i wonder what i would have written in the "before" card. but i know i wanna after many many "after" transformations! heh :)

the year 2007 is gonna end ,

i remember the start of the year i told god that if he allowed me to promote for my retest i promise to study real hard! haha, then after all the jittery waiting, i finally was promoted :) praise god.
but i wasnt faithful. i slacked my j2 year away. esp the first half of the year. many events came and past that were memorable to me ( not in chronological order ) : aj idol, photog becoming twice a week, valentines day etc...
then came mid year exams, i was totally swept off my feet. i failed every subject and my principal even became my mentor to aid me in my studying. it meant that there were one to one talks with her and all these things...
around this point of time ajcg had a revival spirit and things were working miraculously in our cg and god added to our numbers those who were being saved. the j2s and j1s hardwork paid off and god blessed us abundantly under the leadership of jontay. haha.
next half of 2007 was definitely more fufilling and i grew spiritually too cos jontay really taught me alot . so did the whole cg grew in qty and quality.
then the baton was passed on to me now ... at first everything seemed uncertain, i was pretty impatient and perhaps too caught up with the legalism and not the value and spirit behind it. it gets better as i learn and grow! :)

really think that god bless me alot as he carefully weaves out my every step, decision, emotions and behaviour. not everything was god glorifying, but god really dotes on me no matter what. haha just wanna thank god for the ppl he placed in my life . and at this turning point in my life god has placed certain things for me to think through. prolly to help me focus in this journey he allowed things to take place in my life and let me grow in discipline and how i can learn to grow up to be a woman after god's heart. as he shapes and moulds me in certain weaknesses and vulnerabilities i have, he gave me great friends that help me along in this walk! sometimes i wonder how this can be true and how im gonna deal with it ...but i guess god thinks quite highly of me sometimes . but then again im filled with insecurities and worries, but its okay, 2008 shall be even better alright!! even as i decide on my next path to take after my A level results are out, i pray that everything is according to His plans. and that i wont deviate from it . :)

to all whom i love and treasure; jiayou in the next year and know that i believe in you! :))))

2007-12-16T15:18:00.000+08:00

okay okay time for some life into my blog eh? hahaaha. let the pictures show it all! oh yah think its the first time my braces pictures are shown here... lol.. very ugly la k...

this is just a random night with zixin. both of us lost our voice. haha. so basically we were very sehhhhed. lol :)

guess who are we imitating?

xingyi, zhiyan and zixin's hands hahaha.

acting stupid

celebrating birthday~~~!!! :DDD so long never see tidm! but many were missing as they were overseas.

mimi! :DD happy girl la she!

me mimi jasss

me and ash!

me and jas

me and ashikin with her new haircut! hahahahaha!niceeee.

church camp photos!!! those that were in my camera at least! :)

limin! best study mate!

qinning~~~~

botak!
looking superbly gay! LOL
ey i donno why they point at me... but its a coreteam picture. weekeong posing a loser sign for himself.

debbie has so many many many sheeeeeps!

hoho! aj's fav leader jontay :)

imitating someone as usual!

super man gavin!

aj pyramid!!!! hahahahaah! its pretty high actually

zixin making fun of me!

debbie soooo cute

kat!!!

camp was awesome laaa... hahaha

2007-12-03T23:51:00.000+08:00

i really dont understand .... im trying so hard and doing everything to my best alr but things are still not turning out the way it should. its hurts me so deeply. more deeply than i can share to anyone ... i dont know why god....

teach me how ... i cant find comfort ... why isit so...

2007-11-24T01:00:00.000+08:00

its been so long. im back again. i still have one more lit paper though...

things havent exactly been smoothsailing for me these past week or so....
issues going on around me, pressure from within and externally.... family, and ppl around me..
im trying my best to cope with it la really. just that sometimes i feel so hurt by some stuff. havent exactly shared the full picture to anyone yet. and i guess noone really knows whats the full story going on in my life la. but its okay. i will be strong and overcome all odds!

verse i shared during the cg : romans 12:2 " Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will"

yup so jiayou everyone!

2007-10-21T01:28:00.000+08:00

its a period of trust, faith and dedication to what is most important and what lasts for eternity. as i place my trust in Him, i do my best :) at least i try to haha.

keep me in prayers

i love my God :)))))

2007-10-14T12:00:00.000+08:00

heyhey you you i wanna show you my grad pictures!

WEDNESDAY!

after PE!
econs period

normal, happy, crazy, insane

do we look angry enough?

guess who... lalalalalalalalalala -sings

me imitating n cube c (btw he isnt chubby!)

ashikin.. imitating... HAHAHA. lalalalalla-sings again.

THURSDAY!

with GP teacher! she's so cute!

MR LIM! our fav maths teacher ( we only have one actually) but he is the most wonderful teacher around la :))

eve and pq!

our favouritest place- the canteen!

me and mich~!

abit the no image already. but dont matter anymore!

my first picture with boon teck! lol.

clockwise: eve mimi me mich ashikin

this is the kind of pictures you take with the class treasurer. we have good relations. as you can see. common love.

me and yihan babe!

hahah, my form teacher's a DUX winner in PL! wow... that means she is some kind of top all rounded student ....

FRIDAY!!

me and michelle again!

why the look mich... why?

TIDM clan with janar

me and aiyiiiiii

steph!

jianrong!

THE CLASS!

me, mimi and i think its pq's fingers

jas!

peiqi and i! :)

and the last few photos tgt!
mimi me and ms zhu

me eyecandy hwee and joyce!

im ever ready to pose!

okay lets act cute!

me and sunlu :)

that all folks.....
goodbye aj :(

2007-10-14T01:38:00.000+08:00

past week or so have been one of the hardest weeks i've passed through. caught in the middle of the frenzy of emotions and unable to keep it inside me i broke down a few times already. not many people know but inside me emotions have been churning, and it is creeping up to me every now and then. some will say im being oversensitive, or in nicer words, sentimental. i think im overly sentimental. or maybe im just having some trouble handling my emotions more maturely. either way, i just feel choked with emotions. andria gave me great advices this whole period and i sincerely thank god for a bestfriend like her.

and thinking through, maybe im just afraid or unable to face the fact that people do come and go in our lives. cos i take every relationship very seriously and treasure it , i cant bear to let any one go. or maybe ppl HAVE come and gone in my life, people close to my heart and i dont want that hurt to resurface again. and people think im so silly to think about such things at this point of time. ya, i think im going crazy too..... must be the exams....

pictures soon...

2007-09-20T00:35:00.000+08:00

god works his hands in amazing ways. as i was shepherding kat and reading the book of James, i got reminded of the many godly characteristics of a spiritually mature christian. in a nutshell, its about whats inside us, our everyday actions and our personal decisions to want to grow. the book of James ; do read it during your quiet time. straight forward, but urges me to strive to lead a more god centred life. enough of discrimination, judging, procrastination. we gotta shine God's love more and more as we lead our daily lives. :)

recent craze : DOTA.
yes, girls do enjoy them too hhaahahaha. ownage!!! can i own my exams too? hahaaha

recent love: books
er, definitely not literature books, but just novels in general... although at this time i should be studying... but oh wells. :)

recent show: hair spray
not bad la, lots of singing, dancing... an funny incidents and a FUNNY DAD!!!

recent blessing: for placing people around me that loves and cares for me and most imptly, makes me laugh :)

2007-09-19T00:03:00.000+08:00

16 anniversary 2007!!!
hahahaha embrace yourself for some really unglam photos :X hahaha. :)

debbie and i!!!

me yinz zhiyan

debbie and i looking stupid 1

debbie and i looking stupid 2

KIDS!! matthew din follow the performance.. he was busy waving to his parents throughout the time.

and continued waving, and looking blur-cute!

pretty girl spotted~ :D

the JC girls

the john-tucker-must-die gang :) love these people!

JC NEA!!! :) my unit

sweet qinning wearing a skirt and looking shy. HAH

yinz deb me JALEA!!!!!!

funky hairdo jalea

me debbie huiqi!

us kissing and having the approval of our shepherd at the right....

hsiaoen and i and yinz!

spastic!

part of the AJ cg! :))

chantel and i !!! miss her!

ex cg... limin yinz me chantel debbie

unglam to the maxxxx.....

hahahahahahaha :D thankful for this family! i love you all!

2007-09-17T12:09:00.000+08:00

hahaha, i havent been updating sorry! lol, keep seeing weekeong's birthday post, its boringggggg. HAHAHAH. prelims are drawing to an end! haha, thats a good feeling, but it means A's are just around the corner. which means i cant relac in one corner where A's are.... ( okay inside joke) .

anyways, it feels great to be in God's family! aint it? hahah, having kat being so loving to me and enthu during games, having yinz just being sweet and a great person i like to talk to, yihui for being absolutely the cutest person around and her bubbly character altho she always frowns, jontay for his bellowing laughter and cute (tummy) and him just being there for us , weekeong for being the techno teeko he is slowly transforming into and jonquek for saying jokes that arent funny but still we laugh at him cos he is sooo innocent, pohchoon for his wonderful culinary skills and him just being mel's son.... hahaha, and liting for her gentleness that helps to neutralise kat's effects and for her phototaking readiness 24/7. ahhhh, it just makes me go :)))))))))) ( with a gazillion chins ) cant think of words to express my love for this covenanted group! but its just filled with L O V E !!!!!!! thank god for you people in my life and as i msged the j2s yesterday to use the remaining time to do sth for god and impact lives and im so glad some of them replied with enthusiasm and unwavering fervour like weekeong and yihui! yay! we are in this together!! <3

and last saturday was the church 16 th anniversary... i havent uploaded the photos but i will soon!!!! then i will post it up soon!

yup, everyone with sore eyes ( since its so common now, especially to guys, i think i know why HAHA) please take care yeah, and those who are sick do take care! rest well drink lots of water and eat fruits. hahaha ( eve always advices so )

btw, i just had a hair cut and i absolutely hate it... you will know why when you see me.. :( short fringe, short ponytail... i look stupid. -feels really insecure.

2007-08-19T23:08:00.000+08:00

more updates :)
this week we celebrate weekeong's birthday! look at our attempt to try and smile like him. i look like i have spasm! hahahahahaha.

happy birthday! (super act cute.... ) HAHAHA.

and this is most of the j2 girls in the cg :) hoho.

prelims is really really near now . LIKE REALLLLLL NEARRRR. -gasps for air!

2007-08-06T21:20:00.000+08:00

HAHAHAAHAHA!! when prelims and A levels draw near.....

2007-08-05T22:02:00.000+08:00

hahaha, havent been updating. but oh wells, the only grumble i have is that i am sick again. 3 weeks already. this is my third time seeing the doc. so super sick of being sick! I WANNA BE WELL AND ALIVE AND KICKING! ( okay that sounded violent) hahahaha.

nothing much to update other than the principal being my mentor now.... hahaha now you realise what a dire state my results are in now. its okay, i wont give up, so shouldnt anyone reading this now kay. :) bahahaha.

anyways, the aj cg is such a great family now and i really treasure the friendships we have now :) although there are ups and downs but we still embrace each others difference and move towards the common goal and thats such an awesome feeling man! nothing beats having the family of god in the same sch as you are! -hugs everyone tightly till they turn purple.
hehehehe. sisters night is coming soon this wed at my house! woohoo! parteehhh till we happy !! hahah. and then theres movie on thurs and cg retreat on friday! LOL! happy early national day la! HAHAHA.

anyways, i think sch is so much more bearable because of the great classmates i have too! seriously, seriously. you people really brighten up my day!!!!! :DDDDDD so much love to them! hahahaha. although i cant join you guys for dinner and dance, but its okay! im sure we will find our own fun times too.hahahaha. just cut and paste my face into your pictures kay... can use photoshop... just dont ask a particular photog society person to do it ( namely only me) cos i dont know how to! HAHAH. man, a's are coming so soon. i think im gonna miss you people like crazy very soon. ahhhh....

2007-07-24T12:23:00.000+08:00

once again, im sick! rahhhh.... i wanna be healthy!!! this feelings seriously sucks.hahaha.
lets just have some pictures.

some pictures from the photog j2 farewell...

group photo

hanbin and i! :)

juniors rachel and leckhai. HAHA. so cute la the juniors.

random photo with yinz!

bahaha.

EVE! HAHA. if you read this eve, i think you look really good! :):):) serioussss!

ahh, nothing much to update but i really really wanna contribute to the aj cg!! rahhh... stupid lit play... stupid sickness...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIWI LEEEEE! hhahahahaha. hope you had an enjoyable time yihui!

LOL!!!

i disappoint him

2007-07-17T22:46:00.000+08:00

everytime after bickering and losing temper with each other,
he will be the first to come and pat my head and give me a kiss on the cheeks.

and he just did, but i couldnt help tearing.
not because of abhorrence or detest.
but because i know i disappointed him once again with my preposterous results.
im so so so sorry daddy....

no words can express how i feel these few days.
but i thank god for the people who cares, and i prize them dearly.

for now, i just wanna get over my emotions and do whats most important.

i wish to be understood. hmmmm.....

2007-07-05T23:13:00.000+08:00

ah yes, im feeling vey convicted as to what i want to do now. and i guess my leader just triggered that thought in my heart that people really need God. And that makes everything so much more worthwhile, important and significant! christians have got to be living examples; not those holier-than-thou mentality, but making impacts and changing hearts of the community. hmmm, yes, i wanna cling on to that truth more tightly. this is only the beginning, there so much more to anticipate and expect. This time, to me, i know its not a chore or burden, but i really really wanna do this. :) amen to that. haha.

very importantly, im also a very happy girl cos i got to meet up with wyns and go shopping with kiwi and camel. HAHA. :))) heheh. yay!

2007-06-23T22:37:00.001+08:00

random photos HAHA

this is my fav hongkong actor. hmmm. i cant remember the name, hahaha.

hsiao en is so cuteeee la. -pinches cheek

late night studying at amk macs.

me and zixin

DURIANS!!!

this is how spastic you get when you go cranky at night.

the more sane side of me and cactus!

random photo of limin!!! HAHAA.

this is my nephew and my brother. HAHAHAAH. they look same age. :X

yay. me and my brother. :)

lots of photos :D from church camp!

2007-06-21T13:16:00.000+08:00

some pictures from camp. :) :)

hahahaha we are pulling chantel's hair. her new long silky straight hair ;)

me and qin ning! :D

this is my JC unit! JC NEA!!!! : DD bunch of excited youths hehe.

the AJ group in the church! hhahaha. there are more people actually :)

the jc district!!!!!!

bwahahhaah. hsiao en is so super cute.

just some of the girls. HAHA! from left to right. limin ne xingyi yishi peu hsiaoen yinzzz qinning. :)

actually there are still many photos. but i will upload another time! im left with 3 days till exams! HAAHAHAHAHA ! can you sense the nervousness in my laughter HAHAHAHHHAHAHAHA.

2007-06-18T00:29:00.000+08:00

(pictures of camp another day sorry)
well, im finally back from camp :)
its the work of god's amazing hands that we see changed lives that are passionate and faith filled with god and towards the lost souls out there. i really feel very privileged to chiong with my caregroup and to be under the leadership of someone whom i can learn alot. this new aj caregroup is gonna allow god to use us in every aspect of our lives to impact lives :) :)

100% man, 100% God.

exams are here, everyone is unprepared. and im the lousiest student in class, but hey, with the little time i have left, i will try my best. studying is a process, you cant ask for great results immediately. but i hope to pass? HAHA. ah wells. my brother told me i better study now if not i will regret for the 6 mths of holiday i have after A's. well, he is right. lets not regret kay!!! JIAYOU EVERYBODY!

one last thing i promised god; is to always put him first and yes, i will keep that in mind. the lord is my shepherd, i shall not be in want.

2007-06-10T00:36:00.000+08:00

im expecting and anticipating great growth in the group as well as myself. this will be a time of renewal, refreshment and vision. i can feel god's hand moving in this group and i treasure the moments of serving with these bunch of passionate and humorous youths. if people ask me why, i will say He is the reason why i serve. :) :)

i just had a talk with a dear friend and we come to realise that sometimes the people whom we trust the most with our secrets , may not be the ones that trust us back. and as relationships are full of distrust, it just makes the friendship fragile and weak.

sometimes knowing that i treat you as a very good friend but it isnt reciprocated is just disappointing to the point it may even hurt. but then again, knowing i gave my best to this friendship is enough for me.

you are entitled to your choice. but i guess i will still love you as a friend because you are my choice. :)

2007-06-08T14:29:00.000+08:00

i miss how we talk about everything.
i miss how we dream together.
what i miss is how after a fight,
i still have the urge to love you once more.

who took away my heart? who forgot about the promise?
however, i still have the impulse to love you.

its a song that is replaying and replaying in my ears, its replaying in my head and stuck in my heart.

2007-06-06T00:30:00.000+08:00

:)

anyways i was just wondering how come people can be so nice to a friend when facing him/her, then as soon as their backs are turned, they judge the person and critiscise him/her and disapprove him/her. arent you the person's friend? you could either bear with the inherent differences, or tell the person the area you disapprove him/herher for , rather than talk behind their backs? its so sad when in a friendship there is no trust and you are not able to accept the party's differences. no man is infallible, we have our weak points, blindspots and flaws; i think we will all appreciate if everyone was more frank. makes things simpler. and insecurity will dissipate. :/

and im not saying anyone in particular alright its just a thought . :)

i think holiday is the time to grow more in the knowledge of the WOG! :) thank God for placing people in my life that helps me in my growth, advises me in areas im lost. haha. thanks wynnie :) and debbie too hahahaha.

i just realised how narrow my thinking was. i used to think, everything is just about opportunity cost. sometimes you gotta consider beyond what appears to be. consider the externalities, the stress that avalanches and builds up and consider the impact on the people around you too.
God can use me beyond what i am now - i know. i just gotta see how he is challenging me in my life. its not so simple sometimes. i think God wants to mould me to be someone stronger, more mature, and definitely a woman who is after God's heart. im learning to enlarge my heart capacity to fill more of God into my life. i know im not a perfect person ( i have alot of flaws, LOL. alot alot ) but i want to lead a more blameless life and walk right with God. come on zhiwei! allllll theee wayyyyy! i need more true friends that will tell me my flaws and help me grow and not talk behind the back! ni men zai na-er. HHAAHAHHAHA. okay la, actually i have la :):):) i silently thank god for these dear people who i love. some are from church, some from sch or ex schs. :))) i wanna be more zai okay! ( eve........ no reference to you-know-who. HAHAHA)

2007-05-31T13:24:00.000+08:00

one of my favourite in Phantom. :) what a sweet love song. :) :)

RAOUL
No more talk of darkness,
Forget these wide-eyed fears.
I'm here,nothing can harm you -
my words will warm and calm you.
Let me beyour freedom,let day light dry -your tears.
I'm here,with you, beside you,
to guard youand to guide you . . .

CHRISTINE
Say you love me
everywaking moment,
turn my headwith talk of summertime . . .
Say you need mewith you,now and always . . .
promise me that allyou say is true -
that's all I askof you . . .

RAOUL
Let me beyour shelter,
let mebe your light.
You're safe:
No-one will find you your fears are far behind you . . .

CHRISTINE
All I want is freedom,
a world with no more night . . .
and youalways beside me to hold me and to hide me . . .

RAOUL
Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime . . .
Iet me lead youfrom your solitude . . .
Say you need me with you here, beside you . .
.anywhere you go,let me go too -
Christine,that's all I askof you . . .

CHRISTINE
Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime . . .
say the wordand I will follow you . . .

BOTH
Share each day withme, each night, each morning . . .

CHRISTINE
Say you love me . . .

RAOUL
You know I do . . .

BOTH
Love me -that's all I ask of you . . .(They kiss)
Anywhere you golet me go too . . .
Love me -that's all I askof you . .

2007-05-27T17:54:00.000+08:00

this saturday marks quite a small milestone in my life. at least for one thing, its the end of my cca days!!!!!! It was also the day of our photog seminar Senses. its okay if you dont know about it. hahahahhahaha. Anyway it was a really frantic day because alot of things screwd up and i was the emcee. so basically at the backstage everyone were like >:[ or :(( or -.-' and i was like >.< !!!
hahaa basically, the cater didnt appear, our guest and guest speakers were no where in sight, the slides shows and videos cannot be projected. hahahaha! okays, but everything still went alright i guess. ahahahaha. the thing were all resolved in some way or another. and at first i was kinda nervous then i became less and less nervous cos i was too hungry and tired to. then nearing the end of the seminar i was like playing with the cards, playing hp games. hahaha! some photos okay! :)

thats me and lirong :D subway rocks!

yilin me and lirong looking very kiddy. (then again, when did we not? )

yilin :)

me and huiying after the end of the seminar. do you sense our relief and joy? LOL!

and another major thing that happened was the announcement of the restructuring in church.

though i knew it already, but somehow it still hasnt sunk in. but this will remain as the group i will love and miss and totally adore. NEE1~~~!!!!

me and limin! :) she is such a great person to befriend and crap with!

kat and yuqian!!

me and jalea! : ))) she brings so much joy in my life!

yes, and this is my love. justin timber--- i mean chantel teo. HAHA!

i know i will miss her alot! alot alot alot! hahaha.

ah, and this is fwee! a great brother and friend to keep :) -cheers to many more years of friendship freedy! will definitely miss you too.

the enmity between me and alvin started since sec 3. HMMMM... it was this water bomb and kaaabooooom! hahhahahaha. wish you all the best! :)

the group i work with:

the guys who are great at irritating, rebuking, side-tracking, emo-ing and many more but at the same time the same ones who are talented in the things they work hard at, loving their people and being god-oriented and people who i still respect :)

the girls... hahahahahaha, i guess we have been through so much that i dont know where to start. maybe during the farewell i will start tearing and all but a goodbye now isnt a good bye forever :) we will still love god. and meet each other often im sure! <3

see us being emo.

omg, spasticated us. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!

actually it isnt exactly a farewell, cause the whole JC group is gonna come together plus many other schools in singapore. hahahaha. nonetheless, its a new beginning.

2007-05-23T02:55:00.000+08:00

its 3 am. why am i here?!?!? -hears my own echo-o-o-o

its been some time since posted pictures hahahaha. :) on sunday 20 may i went to watch phantom with my all time favourite bestfriend/partner in secondary school. its amazing how time flies but we both havent changed much! : D

yup! prissy's a very pretty babe!!!!

we are always into food. LOL!

and this roughly sums up my day with phantom ( see how lovingly we look into each others eyes) okay im gonna spend time with phantom hohohoho. <3~!!!

you know how things are uncannily falling into place in my life. how i was confused, down, stressed and pressured yet things can be different as long as i have a changed perspective. god's been watching over my every step and he is so careful and meticulous with me that i can amost feel it! he puts me in situation that puts me in a lost but he has intricately carved out my path that just amazes me.

im not gonna think too much and just take things as it comes. distractions are hindrances in our step towards concentration. and im hoping to focus on my studies. i dont think its gonna be easy, but noone said scoring A's were as easy as performing magic ( i teach you how to have 4 A's in a magic trick okay? :) ) , but didnt everyone pull through it already?

hello everybody! get on your feet and prove the teachers wrong kk.

( hahaha i cant believe im saying this and then i have a econs test in a few hrs time! gotta go ! )

2007-05-14T23:28:00.000+08:00

im not crazy,
im just a lil unwell,
but right now you dont care.

hahahaha. i must be really stressed, or maybe insane. i just ran from home to school. just kept running and running and persevering till i reached school. its supposed to clear my mind and troubles, but im not sure if it really worked. hahaha.

oh wells.....

sigh

2007-05-12T21:50:00.000+08:00

im just becoming more confused about my feelings.
and maybe im escaping from my problem but seriously, thats the only solution i know in case i take the wrong step and end up not where i intended to.

" for your ways are higher than mine. "

and zhiwei says, no more distractions! im just gonna put on my specs and be the mugger i intended to be the day i stepped into this school. 8]

erratic

2007-05-05T23:07:00.000+08:00

there is just something very wrong with my health recently. maybe it is the erratic changes of the weather, maybe its my unhealthy lifestyle, maybe its because of my sporadical bouts of depression. ( if you can even term it that way ) sometimes i wish it was neither, but sometimes i think that i want to be sick and escape from reality just for a day. just for a day....

yesterday i had a sudden fever at 38.2 degrees, but at that time something important, or rather someone important needed me ( and im glad to be there :) ) and it just made me forget about my fever and i just got well altho i din exactly rest at all. LOL.

so today in my entry i dont wanna dwell in my sickly self. lol. definitely wanna get out of the my condition!!!!

Do we choose the convenient path or go out of the way?

Can you imagine if Jesus decided to take the easier way out and chose to die in a painless manner on the cross( which he could cos he was and is equivalent to God). No pain, like being on aesthatics. it would be a nice choice, it would be the more "comfortable" choice, it would be the "convenient" choice. but He did not.
And that proved something that sometimes going out of the way may mean that we suffer more, may mean a tougher situation and out of our comfort zone; but shouldnt we stop looking so inward? if you only think of how you will suffer and not think of how going out of your way could actually have positive impacts on others you will forever be just a self centred person. stepping out of your comfort zone is a harder choice definitely, but if Jesus can take that pain for you, why cant you take that little inconvenience for the His people?
Does taking "the path less travelled" mean that you are losing out because you arent taking the "shortcut" that everyone else is taking? Look at the big picture and think of how taking the extra mile could sometimes make people smile ( okay i just rhymed my sentence! LOL) Think about how going the harder way could actually make God smile! like :) or :B or :D .

so what if at the end of the day you took the easier way out and you can give a pat yourself on the shoulders for reaching the end first. will you be proud of actions? will you be proud that you left your team members behind the race and just whisked off without them? If God questions you on judgement day, how would we respond. Are we going to continue finding excuses like " god, if you love me, you wont want me to suffer, since im so precious in your sight" . then how about: If you love God, do you want to be so comfortable in your stagnant christian life ( OVER comfortable maybe) and lose the love for the people of God? lets just take a moment and think about our christian life. Are we getting too comfortable?

2007-05-01T11:26:00.000+08:00

congrats to michelle for winning the best solo singer! :D
you did great!!! im so proud of you!!!

if you havent known what happened to me yesterday. hahaa.
i got severe food poisoning.
so this is how is happened.

monday first period i have no lessons, so me and mich decided to eat at the.... okay i shant say what stall cos i think she din mean it either.... then anyway, after that when i went for gp, i started feeling queasy already. i remember telling ppl i wanna puke.... then me and mich went toilet and then we realise we got diarhea la! hahahaa. then we went sick bay for a while, then i went to lit... cos there was some debate thing and im the first speaker. but in the end im the chairperson...

then halfway through the debate... i suddenlyblanked out.. broke out in cold sweat.... i heard ppl talking to me, but i couldnt hear what they were saying. then before anyone knew it, i vomitted! then paused a few seconds then i puked again! hahahahahahahaa. okay not very funny. everyone seemed worried. and i cried. i have no idea why i cried, but i did! hahahaha. then mich brought me to the toilet to clean up, and i was still sniffing and my eyes all red and i was perspiring all over. i dont understand why the people who walked past me couldnt just leave me alone... cos i was feeling bad enough and they just kept staring :(

then i cleaned up and felt much better. walked back to the classroom and the same ppl kept looking again :(( but anw i really wanna thank everyone's concern! :) 3406 peeps were so nice. hahaa. im sorry i ruined everyone's mood to eat becos of my puking. im sorry! :/ then i was feeling okay already... then i was in the canteen... and they were reporting the case to the OM i think.... then the teachers called me and mich out to explain what happened.... idunno why , but as they kept asking, i felt a kind of stress cos i dont really wanna land that stall into trouble :/ then the teachers crowded around then i felt even more sick again.... so the OM mr sim sent me to the docs.....

the wait for the doc was torturous. i felt like i was about to faint la.. super giddy and my stomach hurt alot alot alot. its worse than cramps. then anw when it was my turn to see the doctor... hahhahahahahaha. then doc was kinda nice la.. then he said..
"lay at the bed. i wanna inject you. at your buttocks"
" wwhh... what!!?? buttocks!?!?!"
" just lie down and loosen your skirt"
" huh.... but im wearing shorts! " (HAHAHA)
" just lay down!! "
" err... okay.... -nervously lays down...... ISIT PAINFUL AH DOC?"
" wont la. "

in then end he inject at my back la. what buttocks?!?!!? its like at the waist??!?!? okay, im super amused. but the injection din exactly make me feel better. my brother fetched me home frm the doctors and then i just kept sleeping the whole day away.

i couldnt even face any food cos i kept wanting to vomit. eat or see any kind of food then i wanna puke... in the end the whole day i think i only ate half a bowl of plain porridge. hahaha... but im feeling better today :) i can even use the computer! yesterday i couldnt even move from the bed la. right, so this was just a series of unfortunate events part 427389474. hahaha.

and im really sad i din attend the sports day :((( i feel like i missed out on alot!!! anyway i heard that panther won... so yay!!! i was suppose to go for the march past. hahahahaha. OH WELLS!

pimple!

2007-04-25T21:28:00.000+08:00

rahh! pimple outbreak! >:(

recently i have been too busy to update and i doubt anyone really reads what i blog. LOL.

anyway i just wanna say, AJ IDOL is coming! :) please vote for michelle!!!!!!! :D she is awesome la! hahahaha. -squeals and throws pom pom around! GO MICHELLE! hahaha.

yeah! and school work is just piling up higher and higher, i have like a econs drq, 2 econs essay, 1 gp essay, math tut (vectors and complex number), geog squatter settlement ws, read my Herland, Brave New World, Pride and Prejudice.....
-gasps for air

someone save me ! J2 is too tough!!!!!!!!
-sulks.
please tell me who created homework.

2007-04-15T17:31:00.000+08:00

i just got back from photog camp. the one word i was going to describe about the camp ( but they din ask me so i shall blog about it ) was BRIDGE! hahaha.... actually it meant more like the card game. but i was intending to say something lame like it bridged our differences and bonded us together or something. OH WELLS. hahahaha. the whole time we kinda just whiled away time but i really did get to know the J1s better. yeaps, im not so slack okay. hahaha.

anyways, there is just so much things i want to share to someone who would understand what im going through but i just dont know how to start ya know? so i end up keeping things to myself most of the time, but debbie should know what its about la. i really want to take this opportunity for thanking debbie, my shepherd, for always lending her ears to me and listening to me. i really appreciate you concern and care shepherd! :)

the things i go through, the way i look at things, the emotions i have to struggle with, the physical drainage i get, the mental weariness and the way you speak to me doesnt help one bit.
so i finally understand what is familiarity breeds contempt. the biggest problem is that you dont see it as a problem.
so why do you think i bother to find out the issue and try to help? dont you realise that i am struggling with my own problems as well? life isnt easy on me either alright, i hope you can understand that and tell me whats going on in your life.

but noone sees it from my point of view, except god, and maybe debbie.

i really didnt intended to sound so angsty. but its going too far, and far too long. my heart is taxed so heavily, like progressive tax, it keeps increasing. haha.

zhiwei, smile,keep a smile,and keep smiling. you just gotta smile your way through your problems and solve them!

then i keep telling myself, that im living for the audience of one.

2007-04-08T22:49:00.000+08:00

randomness:

can e-learning be "easy" learning, rather than exigent learning? because it is much too burdensome. ( by the way, i dont know whats the real meaning of e-learning. lol )

you know recently you have made my life really miserable.

wah, I can see that you don't need me in your life anymore. nothing I say matters right?

I really need to get a studying momentum started. eve is right, I need some kind of study group!

so tell me whats the handphone for if you seem to only receive what you want to? get a new phone la. or is it that difficult to reply?

Happy Easter! :)
yesterday's service was great. second service I was sitting in front of korean students. hahaha! anw, we welcomed many new people into the family! :]

would you care to know that I have been crying because of you?because I'm at a lost and because I'm hurt?

I haven't been watching any online dramas recently. hahaha. lets try to keep it this way. dooomm...youu.. ji... no la, i mean dont you tempt me. HAHA.

If you can examine yourself now, and then tell God that you had every reason to make the decisions then I really have nothing to say.

I have been really down the past weeks but i just carried on smiling and laughing. its starting to ache. both the mouth and the heart.

so many thoughts and emotions running through my head each passing day. i need God's wisdom to know how to handle whatever comes my way. I need peace and patience in my heart so I won't breakdown so easily.

i looked at myself in the mirror and laughed. i was laughing at the state i had landed myself in.
but the next time i laugh it will be at the devil i have overcomed.

2 Corinthians 4:16
" Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day."

haha, I must keep that in mind. :)

philippians 1:10
" so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ"

sick

2007-04-05T13:45:00.000+08:00

Man, I've fallen ill again. This feeling really sucks because I am reminded of my secondary 4 days. During that year, there was a period in which every month i would visit the doctor twice cos i kept getting sick and then recover then sick again. I become a weak, sickly girl but i hope it is not gonna happen again this year. But then again, i shall take it as more time to rest and hopefully it will keep me going for a longer haul.

Easter is this saturday and i have this growing pressure in me. ( no wish to elaborate further). Maybe its because i find myself too caught up in things that i neglect my relationship with god. Yup, I'm finding it back. And I've learnt that we cannot always keep feeling down over small matters cos it only makes ourselves seem vulnerable to the devil and as though we have never grown out of our unceasing problems. I just don't wanna be so susceptible to little problems and then start feeling spiritually dry. This is just not healthy. at all.

Anyways, the most happening thing that is in the hap and happening now is the aj idols!Haha. I'm fully supportive of my classmates that have joined because i know my class is a really talented bunch. They can act, play instruments, sing and play sports. SO TALENTED OKAY!!! :D gogogo! michelle eve peiqi nicholas boonteck! when I listen to you all singing I'm honestly very proud to be in the same class as you people! really really! :)))))

But then again, in the midst of all these talents, there is me, who suddenly realise I don't have any talent man. No, I'm really not trying to gain sympathy or being hypocritical. But seriously, when I look at my life, I don't really see where my talent lies at. I remember learning so many things when I was younger but never really following through. When I was much younger, I remember learning ballet, tap dancing. Then soon after, I quit to join badminton. And then I was also learning piano at that time, but I quit at pri 6. Then now in jc, I have quit badminton to join photography ( where initially there were no interest nor passion). And i realise, im not even gifted in anything!

Nah, I'm not indulging in self-pity, but I really wish I persevered in something I was learning and being able to call something my own! Hahaha, i think I have had enough of feeling such a loser.Okay, that is too strong a word. But more like what they always say, " Jack of all trades, but a master of none" . im just a plain jane of few trades and a master of none. I'm just praying that God will one day show me what is the something that He has placed in my life. But then maybe waiting is no use; I need to put in some actions right? But i really don't know what to do with my life either. I don't even know what I want to do in university. Give me some directions alright father?

The feeling of not being good in anything is just slowly eating away my spirit. everyone says they want to find their real self back; their cheery, confident self.
so what is my real self? I find that I don't even know myself.

2007-03-29T21:54:00.000+08:00

hmmmm my dad's been asking me to learn driving recently. anyone wanna learn with me ? :D
okay, maybe at least take the highway code first. lol. i cant imagine myself driving; but then.... why not larrrxxxXxx!

anyway, today was one of the worst days but as we always say, we gotta look forward! and i realise i become VERY sanguine especially after having a bad day in school. -prances about-.

but then, truth is, im feeling pretty mel and sick. ahhh, nevermind. life's gotta move on and i know god will be there for me. haha.

2007-03-25T14:42:00.000+08:00

woahh alot of pictures up :)

hahah , we went to take photos of urban buildings, but ended up with more photos of ourselves. LOL .

lovely ppl : D

ahh, my personal favourite. i kinda like the colors in this picture hahaha.

me and MIMI!!! hottest hockey babe. hahahahaha.

sorry for my lame face. i look really stupid. haha.

me and eve!!

just look at eve!!! HAHHAHA. ( okay dont kill me eve. :P)

hehehe.

then we met a couple taking photoshoot. so i took this. kinda like the blurry effect. and the nice clarkequay scene at the back. sweeeet.

hhohohoho, then me and jas were just being spastic. cute la.

me and ashikin darling!! haha. pretty pretty!

okayyyy, theres still alot of photos. but im lazy to upload already. hahah.

the day i went shopping with geoky!!! she is so nice to shop with cos she's so patient!i love you babeh!

CHANTEL! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

mc day

2007-03-23T20:49:00.000+08:00

I didn't go to school today due to my weak immune system. haha. Apparently, i m allergic to something at home that i dont know. hahaha. just realised i havent developed rashes before until i came to JC. wierd. the funniest thing is that i recover as soon as im not at home. ( maybe i should use that as an excuse to go out more often) HAHA. and anyway im fine already. but still coughing. yeahs, gonna get well soon :)

i just realise that maybe i have slowly led myself to feel this way. like an emotional attachment; but its inexplicable. my heart and mind and body is detached whenever i meet you. they dont work congruently. this obscure feeling is just perplexing. maybe, just maybe, im starting to feel -
something.

2007-03-19T21:09:00.000+08:00

bad bad bad cramps :((((

had a hard time running during pe. sigh.

but anws im a happier girl going to school cos i absolutely adore my friends. not the hw/test/tutorials/lecture. plus tuesdays i got 5 hours break. total waste of time. i rather not have the break and go home much much earlier. :/ haiyer, okays, vector tutorial awaits me. like mr lim says if we dont do we dont have to go his lesson already. i think i've been taking his leniency for granted thats why all my jc life i never do maths. okays, geek in action.

pictures another day, cause i have no energy lol.

2007-03-18T00:38:00.000+08:00

god speaks. intangible; but felt and learnt.

when we focus too much on ourself, our problems will seem overwhelming.
look to god and our problem will be so much smaller.

when you look at all the things in your hands, work may seem like a chore. but when you appreciate and comprehend the impact the things you do have on others, its no longer work, but an honour to be serving others. because doing god's work is worth it.

the answer is actually very simple: when you love god and put him first, everything will fall in place. if he brings it to you, he will bring you through it.

when you are overly serious with your work, work becomes a chore, which becomes stress and it results in giving yourself an excuse for escapism.

life is very simple. dont complicate things, dont get excessively worried, trust in your maker and start looking outwards and you wont keep dwelling in your own problems.

love life, loveeee ppl. :)

:/

2007-03-14T00:18:00.000+08:00

sometimes the things i do , i dont expect you to fully understand
but i pray that you would see it someday.but i realise you never did understand my intentions. and it hurts me more than you know. in a relationship, it takes 2 to make it work out. when you are happy, im estatic for you too. when you are depressed im ever ready to share your troubles ( but whether at the end of the day, you share to me is a different story) and when you didnt, you have absolutely no idea how it feels to be in my shoes. when im the only one giving to this relationship, it wont work out and you will never know how weary i feel. the feeling of giving but being misunderstood. im tired. there are times im perplexed and at a lost. but nothing i do seems to make you see things the way i do. its hurts deep down but i dont show it because i know i cant let my emotions affect others. and precisely the fact that you mean this much to me enables me to press on and not give up. yes, i wont give up on this relationship even if im tired. you mean alot to me and i will continue loving you the way i do even if it means hurting myself more than it does to you. people just dont see the full picture and they are quick to judge. and then i become the antagonist. the reason i dont explain myself all the time is because its my responsibility. so i understand if they blame it on me. but i sometimes wonder if anyone really knows the whole situation. do you even see it from my point of view? sometimes we just dont fully comprehend the things others are going through because we are too focused on ourselves. one thing im learning; stop looking to myself but outwards and upwards.
its gods love that overflows from the heart and that allows me to love you. tonight its just you and me, my dear father. im praying for a release too. not just one party that suffers but all sides too. i understand that.

a silent prayer for your comprehension,
a quiet whisper that i will never mention:
my love notion;
unspoken, but all action.
Not by magic potion
nor given with caution
but with reckless motion.
this is my love, not persuasion
this is our love, not just a sensation
this is the love, on every occasion.

cant believe im that emo to write a poem.

currently listening to : what goes around - justin timberlake.

2007-03-13T12:12:00.000+08:00

so the day started out, well b-o-r-i-n-g. haaaha. i went to math lecture like half an hr late. and its a 3 hr lecture. almost died. i left the complex numbers lecture feeling more complexed than ever okay.

im glad for the time spent yesterday evening with these darlings. i still remember the ex neb days. thats like when i was sec 2-3 . by the way, where are you ah xiaoting?!?!!? missing in action. -waves madly to phuas. and jiayi is like busy busy girl. anws it was a great time of catching up and we caught the movie, Happily Never After. hahahahaa, its better than expected, so luannie, its not thaaat bad afterall. LOL. then we went shopping! and i bought a nice comfy flats. or whatever it is. hahahaa! maybe i do have a girly taste. but its alrite! lol.

anyways, im a happy girl maybe because i finally got my hands on a camera! -cheers.
haha. the sony cybershot is so worth it! its like only $399 for a 7.2 megapixels. awesome! and i spent only another $25 for a 1 GB memory card! wah, makes me wanna go :DDD and im still fiddling with it and playing around.

but i dont feel good. i cant stop coughing and i know im getting sick. but i dont wanna !! i've got so much i wanna do this shortshortshort holidays. :/// by the way, i think im gonna have a busy busy week.

tues- steamboat with cg peeeeeeps at marina bay!
wed- metamorphosis event.
thurs- geog lecture, math tut, cca.
friday- FREEEEEEEE! -wheeees. ( shopppping/movie anyone?!!?!?)
sat- church
sun- chiong hw. hahahahaha.

kkkkkk, pictures below. smile for the camera!

me and luannie being spastic :o

wyns me luan

prettypretty wynnie. :)))
me and luannie!! :)

the hongkong cafe we went

this the po lo pao. bo lo bao? okay i dunno.

and i ordered this. :)

hahaha the end. :D

2007-03-02T18:24:00.000+08:00

overdue-ededed pictures. :)

birthday pictures. hahahahaaha. the day they came to surprise me with sparkles, candles and cake! lol. all the photos are kinda unglam cos i was caught unprepared by these sweeeet girls. HAHA.

circle of tidm.

some dumb pose. HAHAHA.

me eve!

me jas!

and just another random pictures. my favourite favourite boy matthew. adorable!!!

this is how the conversation went. sth like that:

zw: hey mat!

mat: ah?

zw: i read my blog! what happened? who is the unknown person???!?! :'(

mat: oh, hahaha. ITS ME LAA.

zw: WHATT? you made me so sad la! irritating!

~~~~~~~~

zw: are you sure its you?dont make me happy only.

mat: i sound so hero right?haha. (he meant the comment he made after the unknown comment)

....................... hahahaha. i was seriously sad la, i thought someone hates me. michelle says im overly anxious. LOL. tell me whats new.

anyway, today was the day the j3s receive their results. the whole atmosphere was really tense, and i was actually nervous for them altho i was busy rushing my lit test. HAHA. then came the results. smiles, tears, frowns, laughters, sobs. sometimes we are just lost for words of comfort because we don't know what else we can do for the person. all we can give is our shoulders and probably a listening ear. and to all those who did well, congratulations!

but after today i left school with heavy heart. the very next year will be my turn. well, i can remain nonchalant but i feel a stirring in my heart today. im so so so afraid what the results will be. the future seems almost too bleak and i'm not strong enough to face it.

so zhiwei has made the decision to study hard. after turning a new leaf and not being late too many times this term, she is gonna start doing her homework! and then as the momentum builds up hopefully she can be a good influence to her classmates and the whole class will learn from the role model ( LOL!!!) . hahahaha. lets work hard okay 34? :)

yup, so everyone must learn from me and start studying hard yea? hahahaha!

2007-02-17T19:29:00.000+08:00

Hmmm. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

You know how sometimes we say emotions gets the better of us. Yet how we shouldn’t let feelings dictate our actions? I guess I’ve been trying to convince myself I should be feeling this way because its only right but I haven’t been realistic about my true feelings to certain issues. And then again, I think about it; what am I suppose to do with these feelings? I cant possibly embrace them nor can I ignore the incessant reminders my heart sends out to my brain. These persisting thoughts do disturb me. Yet I’m too afraid to be truthful to myself because I don’t want to be swayed by the emotions or by the pressure that is almost too suffocating. I just don’t have an answer for everything.

Perhaps the way I create a barrier to protect myself from being hurt cause people to think I’m nonchalant and okay with anything that goes. It may seem that I am not bothered but the fact is, at this point of time, I am lost at what to do. At 18, sometimes I just want to hide from the problem and shrink in cowardice because I can’t handle it maturely. Then again, people will tell me to be strong. My reply will be the same.

It’s often difficult to translate how you feel into words sometimes and I wonder to myself. Do I really feel this way like I say? Can I continue feeling the way I say I am? Can I change the way I feel? Am I in control? That’s a question to ponder.

Sometimes I wonder if anyone sees a problem like I do. Or do people see a problem I don’t see that is in me. Blindspots. Maybe I just want to be too blinded to see the blind subtle things. Or perhaps I realise my ignorance and choose to be blinded from it.

Well, life in j2 isn’t as easy to go through as you think. It’s taking a toll on everyone and I know my class hasn’t exactly been doing well. Or rather, we hear that the teachers all think we are disinterested in learning and doing well. All the prep talk and concern they show us; I understand. But do they understand us? And then again, we don’t tell them how we really feel. I guess it takes two to clap your hands just like how it takes two to play a doubles game, and 2 to play chess, 2 to even start a conversation. Whatever it is, I think term 1 has been very demoralising and discouraging thus far. I’m not doing well in all my subjects and its makes me feel that I don’t think I can make it at all. Maybe I should have retained in j1 and get it right all over again. Every subject is overwhelming and daunting to take. It’s so hard to get motivated and go to school. If not for the friends, I wonder if I can make it on my own. It’s not like I don’t try but I feel its too disappointing to carry on. But no worries yea, I will get over it soon. I hope.

and I get upset when my parents interferes into my life. which happens to be all the time. but I know they are concerned, and I still love them. just the wrong methods.

by the way, its chinese new year season! so, GONG XI FA CAI. XIN NIAN KUAI LE. SHENG TI JIAN KAN. SHOU BI NAN SHAN. ZAO SHENG GUI ZI. XUE YE JING BU everyone! hahahaha. im the idioms pro. lol.

by the way did i mention that my parents are learning dancing at the country club now? so cute right. ahahahaha.

its good that the chinese new year is here. its more time to catch up with rest and to reflect. I'm getting so worn out when its only the beginning of the A's trauma. hahaha. kay, im gonna collect angbao from the bookshop uncle and auntie, the malay store auntie, maybe ash who is happily married, or michelle who is with one-that-cannot-be-named( HAHAA JUST KIDDING), or eve and her blue moon, ashikin with her lala and mimi with her loverboy. kay, im just kidding there! happy vday to them and happy belated friendship day to all singletons out there. hahaha. :)

today's prissy's bday. HAPPY 18 BIRTHDAY my illitating bestfriend!! absolutely miss her. :DD

2007-02-10T00:36:00.000+08:00

happy belated 18 bday to myself. hahaha. :)

theres just so many people i wanna thank for making it such a unforgettable bday. really really.

last sat ( 3rd feb) cg NEE1 surprised me with a cake! okay haha, lovely girls. and debbie gave me such huge huge huge balloon to carry around. haahahaha, only debbie will do this kind of thing. what 24 inch what 36 inch. hahaha.

thats debbie. hehehehe.

can you see me? the one in green. the big balloon is hidden partially by me.

then at night the coreteam ( debbie chantel shawn kaiwen alvin) went chomps! ate till you explode and die okay. hahaha! then anw we went to chill out at coffeebean. debbie says my present is still on its way to singapore. i dunno what isit man.... stop keeping me in suspense!! ahhhh. :D

this is only for starters. after that the food that came, there were no space left on the table.

hahahaa, then on sunday (4th feb) went to the kids service again and then had clm with pastor david chen. aww man, he is truly an inspiration and examplary christian. then ate some simple bday dinner with my family. okay love my family. :)

then along came monday (5th feb) i thought it would be a boring normal day since i have all the celebrations already. lo and behold. i was resting on the bed watching tv when at 9 plus, brenda came in and said " your friends are downstairs" , and i replied sleepily " huh? " then she said " they come to surprise you! " then i got shock. when i went out i realised the super sweet girls in tidm actually laid out candles in a heartshape and had a small cute cake in the middle. omg, im so touched by their actions. they even bought fireworks thingy to play with. hahaha. and a present hahahaha. :D really appreciate you all. michelle ashikin eve peiqi syamimi jasimah. thank you all so much. <333>

and 6th of feb! -pops party poppers-

17 came, and went.

18 is here and the ball continues to roll. im getting old!!! quick eve, we should go do some stuff that 18 year olds do!!! hahahaha. as usual, it would be the spastic stuff. LOL.

hahaha, at last but not least, those who wished me happy bday thru phone or personally :) no particular order kay. heh.

shenn katarina thaddeus guihao huiying earnest yanyu valerie sunlu michelle janson chantel aiyi huiyun christine yingxiu samneo sharon yuqian charlene layling melvin junhao kaiwen melissa polly eve yilin lirong rohan limin shawn debbie priscilla alvin freedy ashikin peiqi jalea mimi jasimah weekeong desmond jiamin ( mostly sms)

dyung zixin canice ( who called me and shouted happy bday. HAHA)

wah, i have quite good memory. hahahaha, no la. checked my phone. thanks everyone though :)

and also special thanks to yilin and lirong for the present. weekeong for the huge lollipop. tidm for the present and the surprise in the locker ( they tricked my into opening my locker and placed many hearts for me. im really touchedddd. hahahaha) . the coreteam who says my present is still on its way to singapore. prissy who says she has my present already. lol!!!

and to those i have left out, im very sorry, but i really appreciate it! and there are some who smsed me but i dont have the number cos i lost the phone, so i dunno how to thank you. but nonetheless, i love you all <3

most of my pictures arent with me, so lets just post some old photos. HEHE.

me and geoks!

2007-01-21T19:29:00.000+08:00

hahahaha, its been ages. lets just post some long overdue pictures :)

christmas 2006. the loveliest ones.

from left. sophia zhiwei shenn luan xiaoting

me and shenn :D really love this girl.

me shenn xiaoting. it doesnt seem that far away when we were together as one group :)

shenn and xiaoting!

okayyy, now for something more recent. like hopetots :))

he is called chern han. not so sure about the spelling. but so cute right this boy!

he loves taking pictures and posing. haha.

me with chernhan and egna. not sure about the spelling again. hahahaha. lovely children of god.

hahaha. orange boy is JONJON!!! super adorable. after he kisskiss the jiejies then he will scream and laugh very happily. always smiling and really bring joy to those around him :) me and eileen had a quick huddle with them. lol .

i think to sum up all that is going on in my life would be that; school life is stressing and exhuasting, but its the times i spend with the kids that really adds some spices and joy to my life. and of course, i really treasure each person god has placed in my life. he never fails to love me.

2007-01-08T19:47:00.000+08:00

hurhurhur. in chantel's terms, im very " sian half" (inside joke, nvm)

because, I LOST MY HP!!!
yes again. and along did my ez link card, nets card and emmanuel's picture.
sad girl yes. its stolen at some restaurant yesterday. longggg story.

hahaha, please msn me for my new number.

2007-01-07T02:02:00.000+08:00

i thank god for his providence in every challenges i meet. this time, he provided me a chance to promote. :) i really feel very blessed.

there are just so many private things that just blow me away sometimes. but im just telling myself not to be led by emotions. i want to move on from it. i dont want to pretend that i have moved on anymore, because i know my feelings, and this is too much to take.

it just dawned on me, im no longer in your heart anymore. so im walking away from this. you lead your life and i will too. im not even angry or sad; probably just disappointed. but its okay, although my heart is throbbing in pain. it will be over soon, it will, it can, it must.

2007-01-03T19:56:00.000+08:00

another rainy day,
i cant recall heaven's sunshine on my face
and all i feel is pain
all i wanna do
is walk out of this place
but when i am stuck
and i cant move
and i dont know what i should do
and i wonder if i ever make it through

i gotta keep singing
i gotta keep praising your name
you're the one that keeps my heart beating

i gotta keep singing
i gotta keep praising your name
thats the only way that i find healing

can i climb up in your lap
i dont wanna leave

i guess this song explains how i feel right now. its been ages since i blogged.
time for some flashback to my life in 2006.
i must say it has been a quick paced year that is filled with events after events. so many things have happened in this year alone. too many. memories that i love and treasure, and also certain things i wouldnt like to recall. my 1st 3 mths in yjc was definitely unforgettable and deeply etched in my heart. i miss so many ppl! like the whole p09, tanny, xiaoting, sophia, zhuwen and etc. okay too many. it was a one of a kind experience. orientation, disco night, cca fair, playing cards, cabbing to sch with bestie every morning, valentinesday, cny and then results. and like how it came in a flash, it left me in a flash. the next thing i knew i went to aj. orientation, pon sch, pon orientation, counselled by counsillors, scolded by ogl, feeling all sad and melancholic and unable to move on. then came 3406. it took some time but i found great and wonderful friends here. friends that supported me all the way, the ones who stood by me during my downtimes. the people whom i do stupid things with. michelle eve ashikin mimi jasimah peiqi jielin aiyi stephanie jianrong ash. and then came the mid years, then while other ppl got straight As, i got straight Us. then national day, teachers day, then those staying back to play bball which is meant to study, and then promos. then RESULTS. it was disastrous. and it made everyone including me so upset and i just couldnt pick up anymore. my spirit crumbled and i became more and more pessimistic. i couldnt promote. no way with that kind of results. but god gave me another chance to be provisionally promoted. then holidays came. the studying times with the pp ppl, then i lost the momentum and stopped altogether. then there was camp :) , things picked up a little, christmas came and i spent it with all my really loved ones. then the exams. then countdown chalet, 2007!!, then the first day of school. ( i was late > < LOL)

and as much as i would love to say i have been promoted, the results is not out yet. i would love to be optimistic and have some confidence, but its hard, however, trust me, im really trying to have a positive outlook.
this uncertainty unnerves me. this suspense and waiting is killing my spirit.
and now i know i have to learn to trust in god.

2006-12-19T22:01:00.000+08:00

wahhhhhhhh. countdown to exam. ONE MORE WEEK!!!!

-pulls hair out madly

no time left! i better start studying. blehhhhh.
ashikin, mimi and all PP ppl please study harrrrd!! :)

and it keeps raining, keeps pouring, keeps flooding.
drown my worries and let me ride on calm waters.

if worry is like a rain drop.
the water vapour is just like the nitty gritties that slowly builds up to form a worry.
this worry carries on with us making us go downhill.
like free falling from the sky.
we are afraid to fall and hurt ourselves when we hit ground.
the future may seem unsure.
we may seem to be lonely.

but the fall will be the only way to allow us to let go.
the raindrop eventually finds its friends among the rainwater and continue to flow together as one.
:)

dont worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry for itself. one day has enough worries of its own.

2006-12-07T23:56:00.000+08:00

on my bus ride home, i felt a sense of uplifting in spirit. haha, as i reflected upon my life, im just glad that god has really provided a way out in everything. really everything. if i had the time, i will really list them out one by one in the near future. and the apprehension that i really love this father of mine, because i think back and recognise the fact that he has blessed me alot in my studies, my family and many other aspect in my life. he's been a great god and i pray that i will continue to love him this way :)

sometimes it may be hard to not be so bogged down by the nitty gritty details or the discouragements we face daily, nonetheless, i wanna have an open mind and heart. i must get out of solving the same issues in the ppl's life with the same spiritual maturity but grow myself and grow up in thinking and leading. since we are at our most mouldable age, the period we adapt most quickly, i guess its time for growth and stoutheartedness. i wanna be more steady in handling issues. unwavering and not easily shaken by the environment. i need to be STRONG! :D

i want to impact lives not just through what people SEE, but i wanna build deeper relationship with the people around me so that its not just a superficial impact but a substantial one because they see a transformation and a character growth in me.

although i may not seem serious half the time, always joking and doing spastic actions, and i still fall into normal human's temptation and sins, i will try to be more mature. HAHA. but the same spastic me will be there. and so will my funny jokes. LOL. my jokes are funny okayyy.

2006-12-04T13:39:00.000+08:00

if you ask me, i will say, sometimes many things you do or say, do hurt me in one way or another but you just dont seem to know.
just the words, or the lack of it, causes such ripples in my heart.

i do wish that someone can whisk me off to a whimsical land where i dont have to take heart into such disappointments.

i dont understand you know, why it always seem to be me playing the bad guy trying to do my best here but it just doesnt get to you. it just doesnt. and its starting to get into me.
you never understood my intentions and i wonder when you will ever.

its okay you dont understand but please try to be more understanding. im not having an easy time either.

im just dissapointed that im unable to impact you in the measure i wanted to. im just tireeeeed. and i guess its during this ill moment, i just need a warm little hug. maybe a spiritual loving touch too?

im praying for a breakthrough.

2006-12-01T20:11:00.000+08:00

hahaha, time for update.

last cg with the yj girls 23 november 2006 thursday

we drew this... errrr, caricature? hahaha. :) i miss the yj girls already.

this is the CG NEE1!!! heee.

our fav "mansei" pose! :D

during this last cg together, we just shared about one another for 3 hours straight. the sisterhood is so amazing and the bonds we have will not be broken :) i love my girls.

then MCG was the bbq at east coast park on 24 november friday
so apparently, we celebrated kat's bday! HAPPY BDAY KAT! and i had to act a good show of being emo to bring her to her surprise later on. she was shocked to realise it was all acting that she smashed the nice cake onto my face! thanks kat. hahahaha.

wah. unglamnessssss. why am i so dark. the choc cake like same color already. bleh. HAHA.

yay! the group!! we are suppose to be filled with cake all over. but it doesnt show here!

then sat was SL!!!

class 34! ahh, crap. i look spastic.

some collages of our SL :)

and this is amalina! primary 2!! she still smses me now! haha . like everyday she sms me " how are you? " " what are you doing" superrrrr cuteeeeeeeeee. -swoons.

this is ali!! always fighting with amalina and teasing her. he is a cute dude toooo!

do you see a loving hug there? awwww.
and thats a fine example of assault. hahahaha. eve! stop forcing yourself on them la!! they are unwilling parties. LOL!!

my fav girl :) so sad it has all ended.

then after that chionged to service! and after that we were shopping for mis match!!!

i think really very mismatch la. hahaha

OH!! and i met my bumblebee boy!! SO ADORABLE RIGHT! wearing a bee suit!! aww. then he was winding around the legs of the adults. like a beeeee!
thats for now folks!!! :D

2006-11-27T21:10:00.000+08:00

wahhhhhh the past week or so has been busy busy busy busy!!!!!

so many things just came and went in a whirlwind. lets just have pictures okay? :)

so on 18 nov was the farewell for thaddeus.

we were at the jap restaurant at cuppage. the food was, well, not bad i guess.

group photo! i will really treasure this group of guys.

we all wanted a piece of mat.

i think chantel looks like a da jie da here! hahahahaha. oops.

and they are the two emo kids, thaddeus and shawn

omgggg, debbie is so adorable here! i took her unaware! bahahah.

chantel and thad!! haha. i shant make further comments before chantel slaughter me.

hhahaha, and we look like brother and sister. yay bestie!

gideon is so cute here too. wahaha.

before the farewell we had geok's birthday celebration at The Cathay ben's and jerrys. hahaahha. we all tricked her there and sang her happy bday in front of everyone!

HAPPY 17 BDAY GEOKY!!!

and these are the times we are... well, studying... (during peer tutoring and self study sessions)

it makes you tired and haggard. just look at us. HAHA

and then you cant take it and sleep. hahaha.

yay! i really wanna update about SL and mcg and the last cg with the yj girls but im tired already. i will update real soon!!!!! :DDD

2006-11-17T17:19:00.000+08:00

today i realllllly feeel the stress banging hard on me, slapping me on the face with a tight slap.
i cant seem to do anything right, things seem to be turning out worse and it accumulates to alot of things i have to personally look into. i need to give my attention to so many things, i need to be at so many places at the same time, i need to smile. its getting harder and harder to be positive. i really am trying to.

everyone is expecting me to be the best in everything.
i have to be beyond what i am now.
they want to see results. (whoever looked at the process?!?!?!?)
so many things piling at one go.
tell me how i can do it. tell me how to produce what everyone expects me to achieve. tell me how i can handle my emotions.
can i split myself, please please please.

i cant turn back time, but can i slow time down?

and these are the times when i sincerely feel that noone understands.

i know someone does, but will you carry me through this tough times?

its an emo night

2006-11-16T22:53:00.000+08:00

i was perfectly fine only a little while before. my crazy usual self.
then now i suddenly feel so heavy hearted.

i think its the realisation of so many things at hand. its just a stress thats building up slowly but its starting to take its toll on my shoulders.

like a heavy bag, it makes me hunched back, (unable to keep a optimistic spirit ), makes me move slower (things arent getting done on schedule) and less versatile( where's the inspiration and motivation?).
ministry, farewell, evax, cg,school work, pp exam, family stress, self created stress.

i guess im just tired, and i think its mainly cause previously i was too dependant on my leaders and maybe cause the issues came at the same time.
i think im being stretched in all areas. still learning to cope with it.
give me time okay?

i wanna be what chantel said. beyond the PPC curve, i need to do more than just improving. i need a breakthrough in my life in all areas really. studies, spiritual life, ministry, family.
i need to not just do to my best but learn to be impactful, spirit led, and most imptly, debbie says i can only bring them to where i have been before.

but tonight, im really worn out and tired. im really stretched. im really emotional.

actually i wanna rant somemore. but seriously, just move on okay zhiwei! no use dwelling on negative thoughts. -pushes myself away.

2006-11-13T21:11:00.000+08:00

haha. OP IS FINALLY OVERRR! hoorays! hahahahahaha.
i love my pw group. yay.

and these pictures show how pw can make your classmates cranky and go crazy. thats EVE and MIMI!!! hahhahahahaha.

and what was i doing? busy flipping through magazine and i chanced over a boy whom i shall name as BOWL BOY! hahaha. mainly cos he looks like he put the bowl over his head and cut his hair. so adorable right.

and the baby here is so cute! hahaha. dont you feel like hugging her. by the way, im not taking jerry yen. eeks. hahahahaha.

hohoho. another picture of eve.. er hum.... shin goon! :)

HAHAHAHA. and i caught yinzzz unaware. LOL. what a face. :D

and this is where friendships are forged and will last till the end. relationships arent bounded by structure! :) yj will always have a place in my heart.

2006-11-05T12:46:00.000+08:00

i used to tackle each task like a bull, charging at one direction and not planning step by step. it means more effort and less results. so much of depending on my own brute strength and forgetting that god can be in control.

now, i think im slowly learning to see it from a bird's eye view. taking a step backwards, sometimes gives me more time to look at the situation, ponder and pray through it and finally, do it WITH god.

this is a good change, and it allows me to view things in a new light. it gives me such a conviction that i have alot of areas to grow in, alot of blindspots waiting to be discovered, a need to be more mature in my ways, grow to be more god oriented, and set a good example for i am an ambassador!, and lastly, a long journey ahead with god, shepherd and sheeps.

when he is in the picture, i seem to have an inexplicable strength and faith that if i do my best in every aspect of my life, he will be there for me. its time! its time to grow myself! : )

and to practice what we preach, shepherd dua tao aka debbie... when is our next shepherding!!!!!! -tugs onto your shirt. :D

2006-10-29T22:16:00.000+08:00

hahaha, time for an update! :)

okay first, one more picture from shawn's bday

okay, now for pictures for NE day.
by the way, careless me, fell in the auditorium in front of everyone while rushing up to my seat. now my toe is bruised and dying. sad case. im always falling and injuring myself. BLEH.

yay! me and michelle! :D
i think i dont look scary enough la. eve doesnt even need to try to look scary. HAHA!
okay sth more decent :)

HAHA. seems like i got caught on candid camera. me, looking for my shoe at the bottom left hand corner :) unglam.

unglam 2, caught feasting, and just look at michelle's candid moment HOHOHO!

i took this picture of michelle eating! artistic okay. hahaha. (sense of achievement)

HAHA, guess whose leg is whose!

happy three friends? hahaha. and i cant stand eve's height!!! rahh! hahhaha. eve , me , mich.

yay! class photo! 34! where my dear mimi?!?!

and now for the sentosa update!

me and eve. all burnt out and exhuasted from vball and kayaking. but we enjoyed ourselves thoroughly! :)

okay story of the day; eve and jianrong decides to put sun tan lotion becos they wanna get tanner. ( yup, acceptable.)

me and the rest of the girls din wanna get tanned ( im tanned enough, thanks) so we put sun block! esp me okay!

end of story: im the tannest of them all, even tanner than eve and jianrong. thanks huh, sunblock! hahahaha.

the sunny island :)

volleyball was really fun, after that zhuwen and friends came to join us :) hehe. enjoyed myself yea!

and i saw ten thousand ppl there, aj and yj. oh wells. hope i didnt get rocognised. all's well that ends well! :D

today had wakeboarding!! AWESOME OKAY! tiring! but really fun. hahaha. the coach is really patient and i had a great time learning :)

cant wait for the next lesson!

and now im as black as ... charcoal.

2006-10-23T22:35:00.000+08:00

actually i have alot to blog about, but i know everyone's tired of reading me being depressed. ah wells. blog about happier stuff.
like belated shawn bday. really belated la. one mth late. haha!

hahaha he has an uncanny resemblence to .... EMMANUEL!!! right right right? (refer to figure below) hahahahahahahahaaha. and shawn is happy to receive the presents. he better be. deb and i handpicked it. topman shirt! :D hohohoho.

this is emmanuel . from hope tots. totally adorable right :) he likes to sit on my lap and lie there lazily. hehe.

okay okay, back to shawn's bday. we went to haagan daaz! at vivovavivo city.

banana split and a divine of our choice.

wah, total unglamness in action. esp mat. HAH!

i personally feel tht this card is very nice. LOL!!! esp the pictures part.

thats debbie, our dua tao. :)

thats me and chantel!

:((((

2006-10-18T22:07:00.000+08:00

at this point, right here, right now,
everything's in a blur.

it feels so surreal
but at the same time harsh and there is a throbbing pain in my heart.

im always smiling,
i try my best to joke,
i do silly things,
but i dont know how i really feel anymore.
and i guess i dont want to really get in touch with my inner self.

its just too much.
everything's just too fake.

i dont wanna think
dont wanna feel
dont wanna comprehend.

just let me move on .

detached

2006-10-11T21:44:00.000+08:00

i can be present
but at the same time, feel detached.

i can be absent
but yearning to be there to soak in the moment.

seeing but not perceiving
hearing but not understanding
present but not felt
absent but dearly missed

tired but high
worried but calm
spoilt but still greedy
starving but filled
depressed but smiling
loving but avoiding

really,
so whats real and whats not,
whats sterotyped and whats the truth,
whats the future and whats our decision
whats this when there is that to consider.

when you are tired, unwell, depressed, sore and feeling unloved;
things are just cascading down the well of feelings waiting to be shared, waiting for a release.

heeheee

2006-10-08T22:23:00.000+08:00

heehee

okay im a happy girl :)

well, for one, promos has ended and that has given me more time to spend !! :]]

i decided to use my time wisely and invest in the new found freedom.
other than going out on dates with all the peeps i miss so much <3333
i have added new commitments :D

today i went to the church children service - Hopekids
i really had fun. hanging out with the kids ranging from 2 to 12? and some not so young helpers. but still young at heart. LIKE ME! :)
i wanna go there more often and help out with what i can!
make friends with the lil boys and girls and play with them!
okay, it shall be sth i look forward to every sunday :)))

this is ultimate cuteness :) i think her name is elise. a nice sweet petite lil girl. she makes me melt okay .

and then, i bought good christian literature for quality reading :) gonna aim to finish them.

for now im reading " every young woman's battle" its a recommended good read as it deals with teenage girl's struggles and practical points to handle them .

life's gonna be great. :))

come rain or shine for results, im still gonna praise god. just pray for the best of every circumstance im placed in.

fight on everyone!

i miss prissy! :(

YAY!

2006-10-07T23:13:00.000+08:00

its been a long time ! :D

PROMOS is finally OVERRR!!!!!!
and it signifies the end of my life soon.
the word retain is being overused, overtold, overemphasized, i think noone believes me anymore. ah wells.

PSI is really high now. 140plus. hmmm, everyone please take care of your health okay! :)

and i forgot to blog the birthdays of many ppl!
okay here goes;

HAPPY BIRTHDAY (overdue)

sunny 25 sept

HAAHA, its a sunny yellow banana day!

oh my, this looks sooo spas that i have to put it here! constipated from all the studying i believe!

ashikin 27 sept

hohoho! this is post promo picture. eve and ashikin! happy 17 my dear girl! :)

shawn 27 sept

BUNNY BOY! whooppps. hahahahhahah. we havent celebrate , so no pictures yet! wahah.

yuqian

Hehehehe. yuqian's very bubbly and she likes elmo. (dont have a more recent photo) ah wells. HAPPY 16!!! :D

and i realise i never upload anniversary pictures! aw man. NEE1 :)))

i love lao gin na la! :DD

hsiao en's really cute, right?!?! hehehehe!!

everyone looked gorgeous that day! this is sophia and kitty katarina~! :]

okay time for random taken pictures. which really makes my day. haha

hehehehe, a day when we took the mrt and noone's around!

YAY! group photo! :)))

during promos. its usually like this.

lao gin na! :D the ang moh baby is really cute.

SURI! abit overexposed. hurhurhur.

THIS IS THE ULTIMATE! rofl. so SUPER round and cute okay! :D

stress

2006-09-25T22:34:00.000+08:00

i think recently i have been overwhelmed by my self created stress that i havent had the time to sit down and reflect on my life. yes sure, there are distractions around that im still learning to handle and im still barely grasping the whole concept of decision making.also, the emotional struggle to make the wisest decisions really slows things down and make life really unproductive. well, for my case at least.

recently, ive also been too bogged down by events, minor details and small things that consumes alot of my time. i look back and realise my foolishness and my lack of having a firm stand.

in fact, the papers and tests that i get back now arent exactly encouraging, really. i must say im disappointed in my incompetence and my lack of improvement no matter how hard i try to do my best. its not showing and its starting to take a toll on me. i wonder if i be able to go through this big monster PROMOs. but im not alone, i have god, my friends and my family :)

i realised that the harder i try to do better, the harder i find it to have a clear mind to tackle any question or task given to me. i think i need to take a step backwards, have a full good view of the situation, and then put my best foot forward. i think, i need to take away the huge rock of fear in my heart and replace it with faith and confidence.

hmmm, its not gonna be easy. noone said it was gonna to be easy. i need to relax and take a fullllll deep breath and continue to press on forward.

forgetting what lies behind, straining towards whats ahead.

for now, i think i havent sorted out many of my feelings and i need some time to reflect, evaluate, act upon.

i'll just say, dont worry, be happy! :)))

bullied

2006-09-20T23:40:00.000+08:00

today im gonna tell you a story of how im being bullied. emotionally, physically! and mentally.

so i was climbing the stairs to my room. JUST THEN, a beetle was flying around! i was scared, and i tripped and fell. ( emotional torture)

the fall made my left big toe nail crack and started to bleed. the crack abit deep. ( physical torment )

so i barged into my dad's room.

zhiwei: " i got bullied by a beetle and fell at the steps!!!"
dad: " haha, good. "
zhiwei: " blooood!!!"
dad: -looks " AIYOH!"

and thats me being mentally bullied.
( i fell for a beetle ) pun intended. LOL!

but nvm, its a trivial matter compared to other stuff.
afterall, im starting to realise im actually very accident prone. HAHA.

tmr is a soccer PE day! yay!

church anniversary pictures another day.

study hard everyone!!! :DDDD

2006-09-13T23:21:00.000+08:00

ahhh.
the sweetest thing alive now.
-meltsmeltsmeltsmelts

life has been hectic and, well, just busy trying to complete the overdue holiday hw. ahh, im too slack. i neeed to start some serious studying.
promote promote promote.
the geeeeeek in me shall be revived.
hahhahaha.

and im fine now! :) thanks for all the concern.

eventful week

2006-09-05T23:48:00.000+08:00

im a good girl .
(okay abit no link to what im gonna say next. but nonetheless, I AM!)

well, this hasnt exactly been my week. like honestly speaking, kinda been having traumatic experience recently.

just yesterday, i got knocked by a car.
i remember crossing the road, then when i turned to the left, i saw the car coming towards me.
all i know was that
i heard a loud BANG! and i screamed really loudly.
and there wasnt anyone around me.
the impact was pretty great at first, couldnt walk,
so i limped my way to the side of the road.
limp limp limp....

passerby motorist : " ni bei che zhuang? ( you are knocked by a car?) "
me : " uhhhhhh. ya. "
-dont really know where he went. okay, not impt.

so i was half squatting, under the tree and my knees were giving way. i was calling eve frantically on the phone. i din know what to do was really lost for the moment.

driver (the one who hit me) : "are you hurt?"
me : -looks at him ( isnt it obvious im hurt? )
driver: " why you cross the road when its red light?"
me : " no! its green man!"
and it really was green man, but that road ( the road near aj, and yck mrt) allowed vehicles to turn in when the green man is flashing as long as there isnt ppl.

driver: -mumbles something
me: -walks away feeling frustrated.

i really was lost, am i suppose to scream at him? take down the car plate number and demand for doc fees? cry on the spot cos im all alone? sit there and brat? demand for my parents to come back from hk?
haiyer i couldnt even decide. i just walked on and on and on. holding back the tears, supressing the anger.
thank god eve was on the phone with me.
thanks eve :)

the whole bus ride home made me think alot.
life's really just like that. you really dont know what might happen to you the very next year, month, week, day, hour, min, second. but i really thank god for protecting me. likehello? how did i even walk out of it? im still amazed. :D

sometimes circumstances forces you to be stronger than you really are. but i guess its all a growing process. if i stay feeble and weak hearted i would have broken down and not know what to do. :/

lifes really fragile and i can no longer take it lightly. i have to take control of my life and not let life lead me instead. psle, o's, mid's , promos, A's has always been taxing and emotionally draining on everyone and if i just let that dictate my life and how i should lead my life ( just mug mug mug) then if i do die one day, my life would be full of regrets. just wanna learn to take control of my life and not screw it. :)

but of course, im only human, i called ashikin and while talking to her, i started crying. i guess i was still in shock. but im fine now! thanks ashikin :))

my left arm hurt. it feeels so much weaker now and it aches.maybe i strained it. but i think i will just rest more and i think it will heal. haha.

yay

2006-09-01T22:34:00.000+08:00

thanks xiaoting!! :D

yesterday;
hehe. i went to st nicks with yilin and like our leader lim who is really spastic.
LOL! i feel so, out of place,
but thank god for yilin and lirong!!! :))))))
yay, i love my girlfriend.
stop abandoning me for december.
and and and that hwee and joyce just wanna suan me. hahahah. :P

then met up with samneo!
omg, that girl is so cute.
we watched devil wears prada.
its really surprisingly good!
and the clothes there were like awesome.

and i learnt many things there. we may come up with excuses saying " i couldnt help it, it just came" and one thing comes after another. but its all about choices. you made a choice to go forward with it.

so whats your choice today? :)

i miss my sch friends already.:((

i realise

2006-08-29T22:06:00.000+08:00

drained. burned out. exhuasted. dog tired.

chance, prompting, gave fivepence worth, leaves, feeling contented.

all for the sake of love,
he gave,
all for the sake of salvation,
he died.
all for the sake of worldly fun,
we forsake.

where will you stand in adverse circumstances?

sweets and chocolates.

former has a tough almost resilient exterior that can protect it from dissolving easily. it doesnt look very promiment but when you put it in your mouth, the sweetness overwhelms the tastebuds.

latter has a delectable exterior. you imagine the taste to be almost fantastically awesome. but though it looks hardy and durable, yet it melts at the first signs of heat. it crumbles and melts when touched.

what is sterotyping? misconceptions? misunderstanding?
nothing that is so , is so.
the world may seem fun, but there is a whole new purpose out there for you to find out.
the world may be enticing us like a carrot as bait for the donkey, but after you have tasted the almost " forbidden" fruit, whats next? finding the next best thrill? another exciting event to fill up our emptiness? this is a never ending vicious cycle. you just sink further into finding our own happiness through our own minute means. yes, it may be estatically fun to you.
but for how long will such things fufil your need for new excitements?
1 yr? 2 yr? 5 years?
what about the next 5o years?

just end it here. it hurts, more than you think.
you tired? me too.

find the true meaning to life.

2006-08-27T23:39:00.000+08:00

confessions of a lovelorn teenage's secret message

if your heart's not in it for real says:
ke ai yuen

-and a pool of drool accumulated.

haha i love terrorising her

tmr's the math test.... and here i am.... well.
saying goodbye to maths test and geog hw and lit hw.
stresssssssssssssssssssss.
sigh

2006-08-27T01:45:00.000+08:00

its a pictures day! :))

PHOTOG!!! :)))) leader lim lirong and spastic-with-loud-laughter cai. HAHA. they are both really cute and adorable.

during the boring lectures of auntie elasty. i drew sth that perked eve the irritating lamb up! HAHA.

chantel and her promiscuous teos. oops. LOL!!

CHOO andria is super lamb. she made us pose this way. HAHAHA. i think she wanna be a full time toilet paper designer.

hehehehehe.

andria is cute and spastic.

andddd i love saturdays with them.

be strong in the WOG! :DD

SIGHHH

2006-08-24T22:59:00.000+08:00

people affect me.

people affect people who affect other people
who also in turn affect even more people.
do you get the idea?
and i understand the hurt and heartbreaking moments they experience.

cause and effect,
cause and then the effect affects.

because of the cause,
its effect thus affects.

talking in rounds and circles and squares and rectangle, and it comes back to the starting point. we just all need to let it out. its known as thought vomit. if we dont free the thoughts, we are chaining ourselves to our emotions that will bring us down like an anchor. it makes us fall fast and quick, but we end up falling with a huge thud. the fall hurts. because we fell too far in. it hits the core of the heart and sinks deeper and deeper into it. thats why we feel the hurt that we dont know where it comes from. we sink deeper into our negativity, the wound becomes open, and its more susceptible to further hurts. we become more vulnerable because we allow ourselves too. how foolish of us. heard the expression- we are fools to ourselves?

i think

2006-08-22T23:21:00.000+08:00

one moment its laughter, jokes and spasticated actions.
next moment i dont know whats wrong with me.
i've had enough of myself.
and you left me to fend for myself.
my emotions drowning my sanity.

K:how many babies have u eaten?
Z: i think
-counts with fingers
hmm not enough
- counts with toes
hmmmm
lend me your hands
i think, 100 odd la.
-rubs tummy
K:HAHA
EEE

i think my mum gives me really difficult decisions to make. im really torn between family, studies, ministry.
will you be the one i can trust?

i dont understand

2006-08-18T23:31:00.000+08:00

i dont understand. we were two parallel lines going to the same direction, but now, we are heading towards each other. a huge clash , and we are moving on towards opposite ways. i think its a ripple effect. one event after another, one hurt after another, one incident follows another. it goes on and on, and its penetrating deep into my heart and it lays there oppresively like a huge mountain i cant move. and it makes me feel very d, just to think about it. i think it caused my fuse to blow.this mortification, makes me worry.

why does god test me in this area time and time again. havent i placed my trust in him each time? and each time, i fall into this malicious pithole, oh how i wish i will get out of it soon. show me the light, will ya, my dear dear father.

the things that will follow, will be like unprecendented waters. and whether i will sail through it or have a stormy meet, i do not know. i really dont wish for it to come. but i just wish, the storm will quickly pass, so that the scene after the storm will give me peace and serenity.

sometimes i wonder whom i can depend on, who will be here for me, and which of my friends can really lift me up from the depondency. genuinity, thats all i ask for. please be ever so true to me. and a thousand pleas.