drained. burned out. exhuasted. dog tired.
chance, prompting, gave fivepence worth, leaves, feeling contented.
all for the sake of love,
he gave,
all for the sake of salvation,
he died.
all for the sake of worldly fun,
we forsake.
where will you stand in adverse circumstances?
sweets and chocolates.
former has a tough almost resilient exterior that can protect it from dissolving easily. it doesnt look very promiment but when you put it in your mouth, the sweetness overwhelms the tastebuds.
latter has a delectable exterior. you imagine the taste to be almost fantastically awesome. but though it looks hardy and durable, yet it melts at the first signs of heat. it crumbles and melts when touched.
what is sterotyping? misconceptions? misunderstanding?
nothing that is so , is so.
the world may seem fun, but there is a whole new purpose out there for you to find out.
the world may be enticing us like a carrot as bait for the donkey, but after you have tasted the almost " forbidden" fruit, whats next? finding the next best thrill? another exciting event to fill up our emptiness? this is a never ending vicious cycle. you just sink further into finding our own happiness through our own minute means. yes, it may be estatically fun to you.
but for how long will such things fufil your need for new excitements?
1 yr? 2 yr? 5 years?
what about the next 5o years?
just end it here. it hurts, more than you think.
you tired? me too.
find the true meaning to life.
chen chen painted at 10:06 PM
confessions of a lovelorn teenage's secret message
if your heart's not in it for real says:
ke ai yuen
-and a pool of drool accumulated.
haha i love terrorising her
tmr's the math test.... and here i am.... well.
saying goodbye to maths test and geog hw and lit hw.
stresssssssssssssssssssss.
sigh
chen chen painted at 11:39 PM
its a pictures day! :))
PHOTOG!!! :)))) leader lim lirong and spastic-with-loud-laughter cai. HAHA. they are both really cute and adorable.
during the boring lectures of auntie elasty. i drew sth that perked eve the irritating lamb up! HAHA.
chantel and her promiscuous teos. oops. LOL!!
CHOO andria is super lamb. she made us pose this way. HAHAHA. i think she wanna be a full time toilet paper designer.
hehehehehe.
andria is cute and spastic.
andddd i love saturdays with them.
be strong in the WOG! :DD
chen chen painted at 1:45 AM
people affect me.
people affect people who affect other people
who also in turn affect even more people.
do you get the idea?
and i understand the hurt and heartbreaking moments they experience.
cause and effect,
cause and then the effect affects.
because of the cause,
its effect thus affects.
talking in rounds and circles and squares and rectangle, and it comes back to the starting point. we just all need to let it out. its known as thought vomit. if we dont free the thoughts, we are chaining ourselves to our emotions that will bring us down like an anchor. it makes us fall fast and quick, but we end up falling with a huge thud. the fall hurts. because we fell too far in. it hits the core of the heart and sinks deeper and deeper into it. thats why we feel the hurt that we dont know where it comes from. we sink deeper into our negativity, the wound becomes open, and its more susceptible to further hurts. we become more vulnerable because we allow ourselves too. how foolish of us. heard the expression- we are fools to ourselves?
chen chen painted at 10:59 PM
one moment its laughter, jokes and spasticated actions.
next moment i dont know whats wrong with me.
i've had enough of myself.
and you left me to fend for myself.
my emotions drowning my sanity.
K:how many babies have u eaten?
Z: i think
-counts with fingers
hmm not enough
- counts with toes
hmmmm
lend me your hands
i think, 100 odd la.
-rubs tummy
K:HAHA
EEE
i think my mum gives me really difficult decisions to make. im really torn between family, studies, ministry.
will you be the one i can trust?
chen chen painted at 11:21 PM
i dont understand. we were two parallel lines going to the same direction, but now, we are heading towards each other. a huge clash , and we are moving on towards opposite ways. i think its a ripple effect. one event after another, one hurt after another, one incident follows another. it goes on and on, and its penetrating deep into my heart and it lays there oppresively like a huge mountain i cant move. and it makes me feel very d, just to think about it. i think it caused my fuse to blow.this mortification, makes me worry.
why does god test me in this area time and time again. havent i placed my trust in him each time? and each time, i fall into this malicious pithole, oh how i wish i will get out of it soon. show me the light, will ya, my dear dear father.
the things that will follow, will be like unprecendented waters. and whether i will sail through it or have a stormy meet, i do not know. i really dont wish for it to come. but i just wish, the storm will quickly pass, so that the scene after the storm will give me peace and serenity.
sometimes i wonder whom i can depend on, who will be here for me, and which of my friends can really lift me up from the depondency. genuinity, thats all i ask for. please be ever so true to me. and a thousand pleas.
chen chen painted at 11:31 PM
sometimes it take a small, little, almost insignificant remark to cause a ripple in one's heart. the ripple gains kinetic energy and becomes bigger and bigger. hurt, is like a parasite, it forms, it builds up, and one day it will be released like pent up anger. it claws through the throat and overflow as fits of anger- of speech, of action, or of emotional torture. and emotions can manipulate actions.
but love will overcome it all.
love will.
love must.
chen chen painted at 10:33 PM
i'm sick.
i cant speak, cant swallow, cant joke, cant laugh.
its a seriously terrible feeling.
and i wanted to go mug today. in the end slept till 5 pm.
god, please heal me. :(
chen chen painted at 7:41 PM
FIREWORKS 2006!!!
enjoyed myself watching the fireworks, screaming while finding a seat, with our hands and legs aching, we still loved it :))))
and i just want everyone to be happy.
but its so so so difficult. and this burden is too heavy for me.
every gp lesson i will be scolded by my teacher cos she really picks on me:(
cos i talk in class? but im not the only one right? without fail once i open my mouth, " ZHIWEI! are u discussing about the GP?"
thats it man. i cant take it anymore. SIGH
chen chen painted at 1:20 AM
HAPPY NATIONAL DAY SINGAPORE! :D
the pictures will show how my 8 august 2006 went! lots of fun face/hand painting :) and i love the pictures. hehe.
and this 34/06! :D omg, everyone is so adorable. hurhur.
oh, and eve, steph, and AIYI! came today! hhahaha. i think we just keep eating. but we did alot of PW work too. :D eve has got a nice haircut. and i think everyone loves HK dramas. lol.
heart of wanting to serve.
moral of the story learnt from mat: take a rest lor.
i guess i need some time off to be with my maker :) in my incompetence ( which is very very often), i will feel very perplexed and downcast. why am i always not good enough? why am i not impactful? why am i not spirit led?
questions that bombard me often leaves me feeling weak, leaves me feeling that im never adequate enough. that i can never reach the kind of standard. benchmark, we are the ones setting that high peak that is almost impossible to reach.
lets redefine our values. check our hearts. do we only do what we like, when we like it? does it mean that we serve only when its within our comfort zone? what if one day i get too busy with school, studies, family i choose not to do certain things , thinking my leaders do not know. but ultimately, we are hurting god. the one we let down is our father in heaven who lovingly and graciously forgive us time and again.
you may not recognise the mistake, i may not understand my flaws, but god knows. :)
chen chen painted at 11:54 PM
ive been thinking.
i dont want things this way.
lets get it right this time.
im not gonna let it get into the way.
you know, in times like this, there is bound to be hurt.
i just dont want it to come.
or maybe i dont wanna face the reality of this issue.
so real, so surreal, something only i know.
( these are just my random thoughts and its okay if you dont understand)
I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that
I've been dreaming of?
keane- somewhere only we know
i just watched lakehouse yesterday.
its a great show and a must watch.
you know,
when love can withstand time
when love goes beyond skin deep
when love can wait
when love can stop time
its only somewhere only we know.
and i realised i have gotta be a better blogger and improve my english. what say you.
Vanity can be considered as one of man's greatest sins. vanity, is an inordinate desire to show off your talents and your achievements. it comes in many forms, often hiding behind a veil of an almost innocuous front. some people wish to achieve riches and glory beyond what we can even handle and that leads to vanity.vanity for power, status, fame makes people yanker over wealth that inevitably changes their character to be money driven, achievement driven. would we really like that? would we want our family, friends and loved ones leave us one by one although in exchange we get all the riches of the world? being able to command and order huge masses, and able to change the culture of society but still, dont get the fufilment you wish to get. the emptiness and isolation due to vanity must be unbearable. no amount of fame or societal status can fill that hole in our heart. vanity also comes in the form when we value so much of how others look at us. questions we ask ourselves; are we slim enough? are we ever pretty enough? are we smart enough? will they accept me if i do this and that? acceptance versus abandonment. our constant struggle to gain acknowledgement and impress others to feel belonged. and abandonment would mean alienation from the rest of the world. sometimes we can say its silly, but think about it, dont we all go through the same thing? you can deny all you want, but lets have a reality heart check. you can run away from your struggles and still be gasping for survival, you can hide your emotions but you will still feel them, you can put on a false front and think that noone knows but god knows. god sees, hears, feels but he doesnt reject us. god knows our inner desires, struggles, abhorrence towards people and things and he longs to bring us out of all these negative emotions. he is there to carry us through the tough times, to be our companion in our isolation, to be our shoulder to cry on, to be the leader of our lives, to be the one we can hold on to and he never lets go. never. we may push him away, we may hide from him, and he feels the hurt but he never leaves us. he never abandons us just because we arent good enough for him and he never leaves us to fend for ourselves. vanity may be a malicious pithole we have dug for ourselves but in that endless deep dark hole, god is there to push us out of it, if we allow him to. its time to hear from him, its time to feel him and time to talk to him.
this feels good. i should do it more often.
chen chen painted at 2:19 PM
there are;
days im disinterested in the things around me
days im tired of school work
days i love the friends around me
days i wish i could just hide my face
days i know god is by my side
days when depression overwhelms me
days when i feel loved
days when i dont wanna face reality
days when im motivated to do well.
but knowing who holds my tomorrow, i embrace the future with a smile on my face :)
and keep away from worries and sorrow.
i try , i try.
overdued pictures, too tired to upload. lol.
chen chen painted at 11:23 PM
