i think recently i have been overwhelmed by my self created stress that i havent had the time to sit down and reflect on my life. yes sure, there are distractions around that im still learning to handle and im still barely grasping the whole concept of decision making.also, the emotional struggle to make the wisest decisions really slows things down and make life really unproductive. well, for my case at least.
recently, ive also been too bogged down by events, minor details and small things that consumes alot of my time. i look back and realise my foolishness and my lack of having a firm stand.
in fact, the papers and tests that i get back now arent exactly encouraging, really. i must say im disappointed in my incompetence and my lack of improvement no matter how hard i try to do my best. its not showing and its starting to take a toll on me. i wonder if i be able to go through this big monster PROMOs. but im not alone, i have god, my friends and my family :)
i realised that the harder i try to do better, the harder i find it to have a clear mind to tackle any question or task given to me. i think i need to take a step backwards, have a full good view of the situation, and then put my best foot forward. i think, i need to take away the huge rock of fear in my heart and replace it with faith and confidence.
hmmm, its not gonna be easy. noone said it was gonna to be easy. i need to relax and take a fullllll deep breath and continue to press on forward.
forgetting what lies behind, straining towards whats ahead.
for now, i think i havent sorted out many of my feelings and i need some time to reflect, evaluate, act upon.
i'll just say, dont worry, be happy! :)))
chen chen painted at 10:34 PM
today im gonna tell you a story of how im being bullied. emotionally, physically! and mentally.
so i was climbing the stairs to my room. JUST THEN, a beetle was flying around! i was scared, and i tripped and fell. ( emotional torture)
the fall made my left big toe nail crack and started to bleed. the crack abit deep. ( physical torment )
so i barged into my dad's room.
zhiwei: " i got bullied by a beetle and fell at the steps!!!"
dad: " haha, good. "
zhiwei: " blooood!!!"
dad: -looks " AIYOH!"
and thats me being mentally bullied.
( i fell for a beetle ) pun intended. LOL!
but nvm, its a trivial matter compared to other stuff.
afterall, im starting to realise im actually very accident prone. HAHA.
tmr is a soccer PE day! yay!
church anniversary pictures another day.
study hard everyone!!! :DDDD
chen chen painted at 11:40 PM
ahhh.
the sweetest thing alive now.
-meltsmeltsmeltsmelts
life has been hectic and, well, just busy trying to complete the overdue holiday hw. ahh, im too slack. i neeed to start some serious studying.
promote promote promote.
the geeeeeek in me shall be revived.
hahhahaha.
and im fine now! :) thanks for all the concern.
chen chen painted at 11:21 PM
im a good girl .
(okay abit no link to what im gonna say next. but nonetheless, I AM!)
well, this hasnt exactly been my week. like honestly speaking, kinda been having traumatic experience recently.
just yesterday, i got knocked by a car.
i remember crossing the road, then when i turned to the left, i saw the car coming towards me.
all i know was that
i heard a loud BANG! and i screamed really loudly.
and there wasnt anyone around me.
the impact was pretty great at first, couldnt walk,
so i limped my way to the side of the road.
limp limp limp....
passerby motorist : " ni bei che zhuang? ( you are knocked by a car?) "
me : " uhhhhhh. ya. "
-dont really know where he went. okay, not impt.
so i was half squatting, under the tree and my knees were giving way. i was calling eve frantically on the phone. i din know what to do was really lost for the moment.
driver (the one who hit me) : "are you hurt?"
me : -looks at him ( isnt it obvious im hurt? )
driver: " why you cross the road when its red light?"
me : " no! its green man!"
and it really was green man, but that road ( the road near aj, and yck mrt) allowed vehicles to turn in when the green man is flashing as long as there isnt ppl.
driver: -mumbles something
me: -walks away feeling frustrated.
i really was lost, am i suppose to scream at him? take down the car plate number and demand for doc fees? cry on the spot cos im all alone? sit there and brat? demand for my parents to come back from hk?
haiyer i couldnt even decide. i just walked on and on and on. holding back the tears, supressing the anger.
thank god eve was on the phone with me.
thanks eve :)
the whole bus ride home made me think alot.
life's really just like that. you really dont know what might happen to you the very next year, month, week, day, hour, min, second. but i really thank god for protecting me. likehello? how did i even walk out of it? im still amazed. :D
sometimes circumstances forces you to be stronger than you really are. but i guess its all a growing process. if i stay feeble and weak hearted i would have broken down and not know what to do. :/
lifes really fragile and i can no longer take it lightly. i have to take control of my life and not let life lead me instead. psle, o's, mid's , promos, A's has always been taxing and emotionally draining on everyone and if i just let that dictate my life and how i should lead my life ( just mug mug mug) then if i do die one day, my life would be full of regrets. just wanna learn to take control of my life and not screw it. :)
but of course, im only human, i called ashikin and while talking to her, i started crying. i guess i was still in shock. but im fine now! thanks ashikin :))
my left arm hurt. it feeels so much weaker now and it aches.maybe i strained it. but i think i will just rest more and i think it will heal. haha.
chen chen painted at 11:48 PM
thanks xiaoting!! :D
yesterday;
hehe. i went to st nicks with yilin and like our leader lim who is really spastic.
LOL! i feel so, out of place,
but thank god for yilin and lirong!!! :))))))
yay, i love my girlfriend.
stop abandoning me for december.
and and and that hwee and joyce just wanna suan me. hahahah. :P
then met up with samneo!
omg, that girl is so cute.
we watched devil wears prada.
its really surprisingly good!
and the clothes there were like awesome.
and i learnt many things there. we may come up with excuses saying " i couldnt help it, it just came" and one thing comes after another. but its all about choices. you made a choice to go forward with it.
so whats your choice today? :)
i miss my sch friends already.:((
chen chen painted at 10:34 PM
