Wednesday, April 25, 2007
rahh! pimple outbreak! >:(
recently i have been too busy to update and i doubt anyone really reads what i blog. LOL.
anyway i just wanna say, AJ IDOL is coming! :) please vote for michelle!!!!!!! :D she is awesome la! hahahaha. -squeals and throws pom pom around! GO MICHELLE! hahaha.
yeah! and school work is just piling up higher and higher, i have like a econs drq, 2 econs essay, 1 gp essay, math tut (vectors and complex number), geog squatter settlement ws, read my Herland, Brave New World, Pride and Prejudice.....
-gasps for air
someone save me ! J2 is too tough!!!!!!!!
-sulks.
please tell me who created homework.
chen chen painted at 9:28 PM
Sunday, April 15, 2007
i just got back from photog camp. the one word i was going to describe about the camp ( but they din ask me so i shall blog about it ) was BRIDGE! hahaha.... actually it meant more like the card game. but i was intending to say something lame like it bridged our differences and bonded us together or something. OH WELLS. hahahaha. the whole time we kinda just whiled away time but i really did get to know the J1s better. yeaps, im not so slack okay. hahaha.
anyways, there is just so much things i want to share to someone who would understand what im going through but i just dont know how to start ya know? so i end up keeping things to myself most of the time, but debbie should know what its about la. i really want to take this opportunity for thanking debbie, my shepherd, for always lending her ears to me and listening to me. i really appreciate you concern and care shepherd! :)
the things i go through, the way i look at things, the emotions i have to struggle with, the physical drainage i get, the mental weariness and the way you speak to me doesnt help one bit.
so i finally understand what is familiarity breeds contempt. the biggest problem is that you dont see it as a problem.
so why do you think i bother to find out the issue and try to help? dont you realise that i am struggling with my own problems as well? life isnt easy on me either alright, i hope you can understand that and tell me whats going on in your life.
but noone sees it from my point of view, except god, and maybe debbie.
i really didnt intended to sound so angsty. but its going too far, and far too long. my heart is taxed so heavily, like progressive tax, it keeps increasing. haha.
zhiwei, smile,keep a smile,and keep smiling. you just gotta smile your way through your problems and solve them!
then i keep telling myself, that im living for the audience of one.
chen chen painted at 5:31 PM
Sunday, April 08, 2007
randomness:
can e-learning be "easy" learning, rather than exigent learning? because it is much too burdensome. ( by the way, i dont know whats the real meaning of e-learning. lol )
you know recently you have made my life really miserable.
wah, I can see that you don't need me in your life anymore. nothing I say matters right?
I really need to get a studying momentum started. eve is right, I need some kind of study group!
so tell me whats the handphone for if you seem to only receive what you want to? get a new phone la. or is it that difficult to reply?
Happy Easter! :)
yesterday's service was great. second service I was sitting in front of korean students. hahaha! anw, we welcomed many new people into the family! :]
would you care to know that I have been crying because of you?because I'm at a lost and because I'm hurt?
I haven't been watching any online dramas recently. hahaha. lets try to keep it this way. dooomm...youu.. ji... no la, i mean dont you tempt me. HAHA.
If you can examine yourself now, and then tell God that you had every reason to make the decisions then I really have nothing to say.
I have been really down the past weeks but i just carried on smiling and laughing. its starting to ache. both the mouth and the heart.
so many thoughts and emotions running through my head each passing day. i need God's wisdom to know how to handle whatever comes my way. I need peace and patience in my heart so I won't breakdown so easily.
i looked at myself in the mirror and laughed. i was laughing at the state i had landed myself in.
but the next time i laugh it will be at the devil i have overcomed.
2 Corinthians 4:16
" Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day."
haha, I must keep that in mind. :)
philippians 1:10
" so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ"
chen chen painted at 10:49 PM
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Man, I've fallen ill again. This feeling really sucks because I am reminded of my secondary 4 days. During that year, there was a period in which every month i would visit the doctor twice cos i kept getting sick and then recover then sick again. I become a weak, sickly girl but i hope it is not gonna happen again this year. But then again, i shall take it as more time to rest and hopefully it will keep me going for a longer haul.
Easter is this saturday and i have this growing pressure in me. ( no wish to elaborate further). Maybe its because i find myself too caught up in things that i neglect my relationship with god. Yup, I'm finding it back. And I've learnt that we cannot always keep feeling down over small matters cos it only makes ourselves seem vulnerable to the devil and as though we have never grown out of our unceasing problems. I just don't wanna be so susceptible to little problems and then start feeling spiritually dry. This is just not healthy. at all.
Anyways, the most happening thing that is in the hap and happening now is the aj idols!Haha. I'm fully supportive of my classmates that have joined because i know my class is a really talented bunch. They can act, play instruments, sing and play sports. SO TALENTED OKAY!!! :D gogogo! michelle eve peiqi nicholas boonteck! when I listen to you all singing I'm honestly very proud to be in the same class as you people! really really! :)))))
But then again, in the midst of all these talents, there is me, who suddenly realise I don't have any talent man. No, I'm really not trying to gain sympathy or being hypocritical. But seriously, when I look at my life, I don't really see where my talent lies at. I remember learning so many things when I was younger but never really following through. When I was much younger, I remember learning ballet, tap dancing. Then soon after, I quit to join badminton. And then I was also learning piano at that time, but I quit at pri 6. Then now in jc, I have quit badminton to join photography ( where initially there were no interest nor passion). And i realise, im not even gifted in anything!
Nah, I'm not indulging in self-pity, but I really wish I persevered in something I was learning and being able to call something my own! Hahaha, i think I have had enough of feeling such a loser.Okay, that is too strong a word. But more like what they always say, " Jack of all trades, but a master of none" . im just a plain jane of few trades and a master of none. I'm just praying that God will one day show me what is the something that He has placed in my life. But then maybe waiting is no use; I need to put in some actions right? But i really don't know what to do with my life either. I don't even know what I want to do in university. Give me some directions alright father?
The feeling of not being good in anything is just slowly eating away my spirit. everyone says they want to find their real self back; their cheery, confident self.
so what is my real self? I find that I don't even know myself.
chen chen painted at 1:45 PM