Thursday, April 05, 2007
Man, I've fallen ill again. This feeling really sucks because I am reminded of my secondary 4 days. During that year, there was a period in which every month i would visit the doctor twice cos i kept getting sick and then recover then sick again. I become a weak, sickly girl but i hope it is not gonna happen again this year. But then again, i shall take it as more time to rest and hopefully it will keep me going for a longer haul.
Easter is this saturday and i have this growing pressure in me. ( no wish to elaborate further). Maybe its because i find myself too caught up in things that i neglect my relationship with god. Yup, I'm finding it back. And I've learnt that we cannot always keep feeling down over small matters cos it only makes ourselves seem vulnerable to the devil and as though we have never grown out of our unceasing problems. I just don't wanna be so susceptible to little problems and then start feeling spiritually dry. This is just not healthy. at all.
Anyways, the most happening thing that is in the hap and happening now is the aj idols!Haha. I'm fully supportive of my classmates that have joined because i know my class is a really talented bunch. They can act, play instruments, sing and play sports. SO TALENTED OKAY!!! :D gogogo! michelle eve peiqi nicholas boonteck! when I listen to you all singing I'm honestly very proud to be in the same class as you people! really really! :)))))
But then again, in the midst of all these talents, there is me, who suddenly realise I don't have any talent man. No, I'm really not trying to gain sympathy or being hypocritical. But seriously, when I look at my life, I don't really see where my talent lies at. I remember learning so many things when I was younger but never really following through. When I was much younger, I remember learning ballet, tap dancing. Then soon after, I quit to join badminton. And then I was also learning piano at that time, but I quit at pri 6. Then now in jc, I have quit badminton to join photography ( where initially there were no interest nor passion). And i realise, im not even gifted in anything!
Nah, I'm not indulging in self-pity, but I really wish I persevered in something I was learning and being able to call something my own! Hahaha, i think I have had enough of feeling such a loser.Okay, that is too strong a word. But more like what they always say, " Jack of all trades, but a master of none" . im just a plain jane of few trades and a master of none. I'm just praying that God will one day show me what is the something that He has placed in my life. But then maybe waiting is no use; I need to put in some actions right? But i really don't know what to do with my life either. I don't even know what I want to do in university. Give me some directions alright father?
The feeling of not being good in anything is just slowly eating away my spirit. everyone says they want to find their real self back; their cheery, confident self.
so what is my real self? I find that I don't even know myself.
chen chen painted at 1:45 PM
